Tough Times

I started to write this last week but I had to stop and I finally went back to it today…if I can help even one woman going through the same thing then it is worth sharing my pain…

2/28/13

I am having the most stressful morning that I have had in a very long time. I was up early, have a raging headache and can’t take my normal Excedrin to knock it out. I am waiting for the most important phone call that I have ever waited for and I’m not sure what my reaction will be when I do get the call. I am practically shaking and I am coming out of my skin!

Nine days ago I peed on a stick and found out I was ovulating and that set everything in motion. When you have fertility issues getting pregnant is not fun. For most couples getting pregnant requires having sex and peeing on a stick when you miss your period. For me and far too many other women it is a completely different experience. For us it is a stressful, painful and emotionally wrenching period in our lives, that if we are lucky produces a beautiful miracle baby. I am one of the lucky ones who were able to get pregnant and birth a very special little boy. Now I’m hoping for a second miracle.

My cell phone rang and I jumped when I saw the number. A co-worker was in my office so I asked her to close my door because I needed to take the call. I picked up and very calmly the doctor told me that he received my results and I didn’t ovulate. He continued that I needed to come in and see him for a Clomid check during my next period. He was very matter of fact and not at all comforting. It reminded me of how much I miss my doctor who helped me get pregnant with Nate. I hung up the phone and tears started to fall.

I had selfishly convinced myself that I was pregnant. How stupid of me to think that one IUI was going to do the trick. Had I forgotten the months that ticked by while trying to get pregnant 5 years ago? I texted Love because I was afraid of crying even harder. I needed to pull myself together so I could open my office door again before people started asking questions. Then Carry On by fun. came on the radio and I really lost it. I never really paid attention to the damn song before and the timing really sucked. I finally pulled myself together and prayed the next hour would go by quick.

The next hour was really bad and I had to keep distracting myself. I then walked over to the Hospital for my weekly massage. A week earlier I had to tell my masseuse that I had IUI because there are certain areas you need to be careful of even in the very early stages of pregnancy. I walked into the massage room and was greeted by her ear-to-ear grin which made me very upset. She was hoping for good news and I had to tell her. She assured me that it would still happen and she was very comforting (unlike the damn doctor ugh!) even telling me to let it all out as she worked her magic.

I am so glad that I got the call before my massage because it was such a freeing experience which is such a bizarre thing to say. I cried for a good 10 minutes and then was very calm and haven’t cried about it again since then. It was such a wonderful experience and it helped me to let go of the pain and move on. I am now prepared to start the next step in the process and am hopeful that someday soon I will be able to say that I am expecting miracle baby #2!

Feast or Famine

I work in an office which has some problems…okay a LOT of problems. It’s an old nursing home that was closed in 2006 and was vacant for 2 years…besides the ghosts of course. Prior to this our office was in an old Victorian house that had a ton of problems of its own and we were happy to leave. Looking back though, we should have fought to stay.

The first issue we had was cleanliness and mold. The building is very rarely cleaned by the staff that should be cleaning and mold grows way more frequently than it should. All of the staff has experienced sinus issues over the last 4 years but we are told that we are crazy. They have had people come in and test the air and they tell us everything is fine even though we never see the reports. They tested for a second time last year and finally a mold remediation company came in to clean…but remember, everything is fine.

For the last 2 weeks it has been a balmy 80 degrees and I have even had to purchase a few short sleeve options because I refuse to tear apart my basement looking for my summer clothes. We complain that it’s too hot and our cries go unheard so we open windows and hope that the 30 degree weather outside will bring us some relief. I’d complain to our slumlord but he pays my salary so I digress.

Today I walked in to the building at 8am and wanted to head right back to my car. It was so cold that I refused to remove my coat. Luckily I dress in layers since I never know what I am in for. We all assumed that since we complained how hot it was that we were now being punished. All morning everyone complained as we typed with fingerless gloves stuffed with hand warmers while sitting on top of our space heaters. I finally left to get some soup and blast the heat in my car while enjoying my heated seats. I didn’t want to come back but I did and I had an email update on the situation.

It turns out that after several departments in the building complained someone finally looked in to the problem and our boiler was not working. In addition to having no baseboard heat our ceiling vents have been blasting us with A/C all morning. A little while later I received another update that something shorted so there is no hot air and someone had left to go get a new part. I swear that we are like the Boy Who Cried Wolf over here. They never believe us when we say it is too hot or cold or muggy or dry. This place is a disaster and I wish there was another place for us to go. Instead I dress for any possible weather scenario and hope for the best.

New Schedule

Let me start by saying I am NOT a morning person. I have become a little better at waking up early since having Nate but whenever I get the chance to sleep in I certainly take advantage. On weekday mornings I struggle to wake up before 7am and rush around like a nut trying to get Nate and me out the door on time. It never happens and he is always at least 5 minutes late to school which luckily doesn’t matter because it’s before care and not his actual class. The funny thing is that I always run a quick errand before work (gas, breakfast or groceries) and I always arrive early. If I’m late for work it throws off my whole day.

My mother had to schedule foot surgery so we needed to juggle our schedules a bit for the immediate future. Love switched back to nights (4pm to midnight) and I go in an hour earlier and work 8am to 4pm and drop Nate at school at 7am. When Love comes to work at 4pm he drops Nate with me and Nate and I head home. Today is day 3 and Nate was much better for me this morning because I woke him up at 6am. Last night he told me that I wake him up too late and he feels rushed and that is why he gets cranky. Weird because I am the total opposite: I got to work this morning and realized my shirt was on inside out.

The real adjustment for me is going to bed early. I am used to being wide awake at 11pm and dragging my ass out of bed at 7am. I’m more of a 10 hour a night sleeper than 8 hour. In order to get 8 hours I need to be asleep by 10pm but to be happy I need to be asleep at 8pm and that is not happening. Nate is still awake at 8:30pm and I have been forcing him to fall asleep and he doesn’t like it. Basically our new schedule includes a lot of arguing between me and a very stubborn 4-year old. Pinot Grigio take me away…

P.S. Happy Valentine's Day!

Snow Daze

It’s been a rough few weeks for me. I’m actually being modest in saying it’s been rough because it has actually been kind of hellish for me. Two weeks ago I was sick and then Nate got sick which was lovely because I was off for a whole week. If you’re not a parent then you have never experienced being really sick while caring for your child. It’s much harder when the kid is a baby and you really have to do everything for them but Nate is no cup of tea lately. I was trying to rest so I could feel better and get back to work (my boss was taking vacation and I get so much more done when I don’t have 100 extra things thrown at me on any given day) and Nate made it impossible. I left work early on a Tuesday sick and Sunday morning I finally felt better and that’s when Nate’s cold kicked in and he sneezed for 3 days straight. Have I mentioned that I hate the winter?

Nate allowed me to sleep in until 8am each day but from there it was a constant barrage of asking for food, to change the channel, put him on the computer, wipe him after he pooped…I could go on for days. Of course each of these requests usually occurred after I had just dozed off or just got back into bed and got comfy. My kid is lucky he is cute because even when I get annoyed at him it doesn’t usually last long. I was so happy for the weekend to finally come because Lenny could at least help while I finally rested. Then Monday arrived and we spent the entire day in my bed because he was sick. I vowed that I would kill someone if I didn’t get back to work on Tuesday.

Tuesday through Thursday were lovely quiet days at work and I got a lot done. Since things were going so well there had to be something brewing right? Everyone was talking about the blizzard that was headed our way and it even had a name…Nemo. If only I had known that the storm named after a cute cartoon fish would reek havoc in my life I would have…well done nothing because what could I have done? I left work an hour early Thursday and headed to the grocery store like every other Long Islander. I got my bread and milk and a bunch of other crap we really didn’t need because if I was going to be trapped in my house for another 3 days I was going to have a variety of foods at my disposal. I also hit the pharmacy and stocked up on cold medicine just in case Nate got sick again.

Nate and I stayed home Friday because my Mother panics when it rains so snow throws her into a freefall. It rained all morning and at 2pm turned to ice and continued for 5 hours. Love went out and shoveled the ice after it turned to snow and we were asleep during the worst of it. We woke up Saturday to 18 inches of snow and we were lucky. My parents got 33.5 inches which was the most snow in all of New York. We are also lucky to live in an Incorporated Village because our roads were cleared before we even got out of bed. Today is Tuesday and some streets on Long Island still have not been plowed. The LIE was closed until yesterday morning Westbound on the East End and opened today going East. Many school districts are still closed today. There are many spots that have been plowed but as you are driving your lane suddenly ends as if the plow made a left around something and now you are doing the same…only heading into oncoming traffic. The worst roads were those where people had to abandon their cars because they were stuck with other people and had to give up trying to get anywhere.

The forecast is for more snow tomorrow and I don’t think I’m ready for it. This kind of weather makes me wish I was a kid again and I only saw the fun in snow…too bad I am a grumpy adult with a bad back lol.

Friday Blahs

Do you ever have the feeling that everyone around you is getting ahead in this world and you are dragging behind? I’ve been feeling that way since I returned to work on Tuesday and I am so glad that it is Friday because I really need a quiet weekend to decompress from the week. I’ve been feeling under valued and under appreciated for months (maybe years?) at my job but it has really come to a head recently. I’m hoping things will get better, but I don’t see that happening anytime soon so I may have a big decision in my near future.

The situation with Nate is also at a breaking point. He has more good days than bad but when he has a bad day you better watch out. I met with the Special Education Coordinator for the school district yesterday and filled out paper work so he can be evaluated. He is scheduled for his evaluation on February 14th and I hope it goes well. Someone will be coming to his school and taking a social history and performing a psych evaluation and a classroom observation. I’m sure I will be super nervous that day. I will then meet with the Special Ed Coordinator in March to discuss the results.

I’m heading over to the gym for the first time in over a week and I have every intention of working out some of my frustrations on the elliptical. After such a long week I need a massage and a glass of wine but I will settle for sweating and cold water.

Miss Manners 2013

Have you heard of the latest craze in thank you notes? When you go to a kids party these days you leave with a goody bag full of treats and a thank you note. Is it just me or is that weird? I know that everyone these days has a lot going on, but is it too much to ask for a little bit of a personal touch...

Growing up I was taught to send a thank you note when I received presents. As an adult I have been praised for always sending a nice note for gifts we have received. I have been told that it is a bygone era when Miss Manners ruled the World and a note of thanks really meant something. Maybe I'm just old fashioned but I feel like it's the least I can do when someone goes out of their way to buy a gift.

I guess that is why I am so bothered by getting a thank you before my present is even opened. A generic thank you doesn't take that much effort an almost seems lazy. I like the person receiving my note to know that I appreciate the gift they gave. Maybe I'm being too harsh because at least they thought enough to write a card.

I have given too many gifts without receiving a verbal thank you, let alone a card. At this point I have begun to just drop those people off my thank you card list. It's like the Christmas card list, if you can't be bothered to send a Christmas card then you get dropped from my list. It's that simple. If you can't take a few minutes to thank me for a gift that I went out of my way to pick out then I'm not thanking you either. I'm pretty sure those people don't care about getting thank you notes anyway. I'm not going to let it get to me. My mother can obsess about it for both of us.

The Dreaded Call…

As a parent of a school-aged child you are always in fear of the dreaded call…from someone at the school telling you that your kid has done something bad. I have been on the other end of the call a few times already and I always apologize and feel like a fool when I hang up. How can I not? Every kid is going to have bad days and Nate is just like other kids, but lately he has been having more bad days at school and it reflects poorly on me as his mother.

The call I got last week was that Nate refused to sit during circle time and he kept getting up. Now picture a room of 4-year olds with one that keeps getting up, running around and not listening. It distracts the other kids and annoys the hell out of the teacher. Lunch time comes around and he refuses to sit in his seat again. When he is told 3 times to sit down he clenches his fists, stamps his feet, starts to cry and yells at the teacher. Lovely right? I’m blushing just thinking about it.

This one day wouldn’t be a problem but this has become more of the norm since November. Nate has been having some emotional issues since we came back home after the hurricane. He refuses to sleep in his bed at night, is very emotional (crying or angry and yelling) and clingy with me especially. He almost wasn’t invited to his best friend’s birthday party this past weekend because he was crying too much at school and Jason didn’t want to be his friend anymore! I felt terrible when I heard that but I understood where the kid was coming from. No one wants to be friends with a cry baby.

I spoke to Nate’s teacher and we decided to start with a sticker chart at home for specific things he needed to work on. I found a site with super hero reward charts (so exciting!) and we were off to a great start. Every day Nate had 5 things to work on and if he got stickers for all 5 he could have a piece of candy after dinner. He loved getting stickers for getting dressed in the morning, being good at school, eating his lunch, going potty and wiping and washing hands and brushing teeth. Every week we switched it up a little depending on the previous week. Then the holidays came…

Every year for an entire month my whole life is a nightmare and this year was no different. All bets are off, there is no schedule, we eat whatever is convenient and I hope for the best. I realize now that Nate needs a schedule and I wasn’t doing him any favors by being off so much because he became even more clingy. Ugh. Back to square one.

Yesterday I had another dreaded call…with the special education department for Pre-K. I had to bite the bullet and schedule a time to go in and fill out the paperwork so I can have Nate evaluated. He doesn’t want to talk to me when he has a bad day, he won’t look you in the eye and he cries if he thinks you’ll be mad at him. I’m at a loss for how to make this better so I figured I may as well call in the professionals. God help me.

Can I get a little help?

In the healthcare industry customer service is HUGE. Unhappy patients mean low HCAP scores which mean lower reimbursement rates. Word of mouth is what makes hospitals their money because when you have a choice of which hospital to go to you are most definitely picking the one that you hear positive things about. Have you ever heard someone say, “I heard that hospital is awful so that’s where I’m having my surgery!”? Of course not and that is why there are people who teach customer service to employees of large businesses.

I happen to be someone who is not really a people person but I am also smart enough to know that my job is based on being friendly and accommodating with donors and I think I handle myself quite well.  I also know myself well enough that I got out of retail at the first job offer I had after college. I only worked retail seasonally while I was in college and I actually liked my job and my co-workers…but I HATED customers. I consider myself a good customer so I did not like people messing up the clothes and being rude. I preferred to work on the deliveries and clean the stock room but I was very accommodating when people needed help.

Which brings me to my point for the day…I really despise going into a store and not being able to get help. There should be someone working the floor at all times in case you need a size or you are looking for something specific and you can’t find it. In the age of texting and emails people are no longer looking to interact with real people. When I go to CVS or the grocery store I have the option of self checkout. Now don’t get me wrong I am loving self checkout because I hate lines and I usually only have a few things. Unfortunately there are times when I need some help and I can never get any.

For example, I usually pick up groceries before work because I drop Nate at school at 8am and I still have 20 minutes to kill on a normal day. When I get to Stop & Shop there is not one cashier available but there are 6 self checkouts. Normally this isn’t a problem because I only get a limited amount of groceries. If I have a day off however I will pick up a lot more groceries and that is when I want a REAL cashier to help with my groceries. Is that asking too much? I remember the days that you got a cashier and a bagger! The self checkout area is usually limited to a few bags and if I am getting a shitload of groceries it is just a pain so I prefer a conveyer belt and a live person.

CVS is a whole different story. The Southampton store added self checkout and they no longer have a person at the register. I don’t want to sound ageist but people over a certain age do not get the self checkout. If I run in to get something quick I do not want to be stuck behind the older person who has no idea how to scan a coupon or use their credit card. I honestly don’t think it should be a problem to have one cashier at a store. I’m all for technology but sometimes a personal touch is necessary.

P.S. I have been trying to upload a picture but it's not working...and it is stressing me out so you have to deal with the blurry one!

Mother of the Year

I was chatting with one of my friends from college this morning and she told me that her parents are staying with her. She was saying that she really needs a break and I wondered how long they were there. I let out an audible gasp when she said 3 weeks! I love my parents but as an adult I have no desire to live under the same roof. When I had to stay there last year after the hurricane for 9 days I was going crazy. When you live with someone for any short period of time it is like they are invading your space or vice versa.

My mother has been watching Nate since I had to go back to work when he was 11 weeks old. In the last 4 years he has become quite attached to his Grammie and she misses him when she has a day “off”. Nate sees it as a normal day and I see it as having to have my house clean at all times. My mother is having surgery next month and I am looking forward to not having a clean house. That may sound weird, but having floors that you can eat off of at all times is exhausting. When I come home from work I want to spend time with Nate and Love and not worry about doing the dishes and dusting. I want to put Nate to bed and relax in bed with a book or magazine. Spend an hour watching Revenge and not being stressed about folding the laundry. I also don’t want my weekends bogged down with chores while Nate plays and Love relaxes. I want to not feel stressed about running errands or visiting friends because it is cutting into the time I have left to clean and hopefully relax for an hour or so Sunday night.

I was so relieved when Tara said that her mother is obsessed with laundry (even doing it on Christmas!) and keeps rearranging her kitchen. My mother is obsessed with my dishes. She cannot stand anything in my sink but I normally do the dishes after dinner and anything after that sits in the sink until I am making dinner the next night. She insists on hand washing everything even though I have a dishwasher and it drives me nuts. She also puts things away and then I can’t find them because they are in the wrong drawer or cabinet. I rearranged my kitchen counters before the holidays and my mother told me she was so glad I did because you can see them from my living room and it was a mess. My counters are always clean but she didn’t like where I had things and now she thinks it’s much better. So do I, but I would never tell someone their counters are a mess…okay so I told her that hers are a disaster after she said that to me…but it’s true and she admitted it because she does have crap all over.

Tara and I agree that it’s nice to have help with the kids but instead of paying someone to watch them you pay the price by having your nosy parent watch them. I am not Suzie homemaker and I fully admit it. I also have no desire to be the perfect housekeeper or mother of the year. I have a full-time job that takes a lot out of me and come home to a second one. I’m doing the best I can and although I’m not perfect I think we do okay…and so does my family and that’s all that really matters.

ShopRite Can Can Sale

My Grandmother passed away January 15, 1999 and it is a day that I will never forget. It’s one of those days that I can remember small details that normally you wouldn’t remember a few hours after they happened and most certainly not 14 years later.

My Grandmother was a bit of a hoarder. Not a hoarder like you see on TLC or A&E, so I suppose she would be considered a classic pack rat. She had several rooms in her house that were chock full of items that she couldn’t bear to get rid of. She lived in a split-level ranch and my Mother’s old bedroom downstairs was where she kept her stockpile. Now that I think of it, maybe she was more like those crazy coupon ladies on TLC than a hoarder. If there was a sale on non-perishable items my Grandmother was there and she was loading up.

There was nothing my Grandmother loved more than the ShopRite Can Can sale. It was the closest supermarket to her house and she would buy her beloved tuna fish and soup as if the world was ending tomorrow. She had metal shelving like most people keep in their garages and it was filled with cans. I was always amazed by the amount of stuff that she had because my mother was not into stockpiling food like that and we had four mouths to feed and she only had one. Of course she cooked for her two dogs J.D. and Tasha like they were her children. I swear those dogs ate better than I do on most days.

On the day that she died I left work and rushed to the hospital but didn’t have a chance to see her before she passed. It was late when we left the hospital and we had to pick up her car. My Dad offered to go with my uncle to pick it up and that’s when I realized that my Grandmother died doing what she loved…her car was at ShopRite…and the Can Can sale was in full swing. We laughed when they returned to her house with the car and they opened the trunk. She had managed to get all of the groceries into the car before she got sick and an ambulance was called. My Grandmother was a tough lady and she died after stuffing her truck full of tuna fish, soup, vegetables and dog food. The Can Can sale began today and it made me smile…and I know that she is somewhere smiling too.

Sayonara 2012

It is officially 2013 and I am hoping that it is a better year than 2012. I have said that every January since 2010 so I don’t have high hopes, but one can dream. The end of 2012 was actually pretty good so I feel some momentum going into the new year that will bring along good vibes…if only it were that easy.

Putting away the Christmas decorations this year made me sad but not in the same way it normally does. I always feel like there’s so much build up to Christmas and then it just blows by with not enough time to spend with my family. This year we had more time with family but it still went too fast. I took Sunday to clean up the decorations early and get the house in order so I could relax on New Years Day. It was a good plan even though I would have loved to sit by the tree for a couple of extra nights before saying goodbye.

This year was special because Nate really understood Christmas and we had a lot of chats about different things that he is now starting to understand. It was the first year we discussed the Nativity and the birth of the baby Jesus. I even recorded the conversation on my phone because it was really cute. My mother has been trying to guilt me into taking him to church but I’m not quite ready for that but I still thought that he should know about the real meaning of Christmas. He gets the retail version of Christmas but I grew up with the Nativity and I think he should too even if it’s the Peanuts version for now anyway).

Christmas morning was a flurry of wrapping paper and super heroes before I even finished my coffee. I felt like screaming, “Do you know how many hours I spent wrapping all of those presents?” but I just sat back and took pictures. I was very impressed with how excited Nate was with each new toy and that his excitement also carried over to my presents. He ran over and helped me open them and made sure I liked each of them before heading back to his toys. He really is a sweet kid (I mean he is MY kid) and the look of joy on his face was the best. Christmas was special when he was a baby but now it is even more fun. From decorating the tree to opening presents the look of wonder on a kids face is something that you never get tired of. I will certainly miss it when he is a cranky teenager.

I’m starting the year off with plans to use one of my Christmas presents regularly. Love bought me a new camera since I stopped using my old one when I got the iPhone. I always complain about getting the pictures off of my phone so Love got me a nice camera that I cannot wait to use. In the last week I have already taken over 250 pictures and I’m looking forward to taking some pretty outdoor photos soon. I’m sure Nate will appreciate me taking photos of nature instead of having the camera in his face all the time.

 Nate and the Nativity

 Nate with his cousins opening presents

 Charlie loved all the wrapping paper

 Christmas Eve with Daddy

 Putting out the reindeer food

 Santa Came!

 Casual Nate :)

George Elf

I realized that I was going to post pictures from the adventures of our Elf on a Shelf and I never did. I curse the person who invented that fucking elf but it did help keep Nate in line so I should be thankful...but I'm not because it's a pain in the ass to move that God damned thing every night. Ask any parent who was dumb enough to buy one and they will agree.

George's first appearance of 2012 was tame

Love had him dangle from the kitchen ceiling fan

He took a ride in Nate's firetruck...

and one of his pirate ships

Dangling from my bedroom ceiling fan

Head first into the M&M's

Hangin' with Jessie and Woodys

Breakfast anyone?

Nate said he should play with my makeup...

I thought he should get drunk with Jessie and put on a tiara and makeup

 George Elf misses the Olympics

 Here's Georgey!

 Firing squad Elf style

 George misses Santa

 Stuck in the tree

 Dressed as Santa for company

 Continuing the Santa routine

His not so subtle way of telling Mickey to shut up

I think I may plan ahead next year and look for small props throughout the year that I can use...or I may just say he got lost on his way back from the North Pole.

Woo Hoo Weekend!

It has been one of those weeks that just drags on and on and gets worse by the day so I am REALLY looking forward to a (somewhat) relaxing weekend. Christmas shopping and wrapping are done with the exception of a few items and all I need to buy are 2 gift cards so I am thrilled.  More time to spend with the men in my life, even though I have been spending a lot of time with them lately…just not quality time.

Last Sunday I was cooking dinner (a miracle unto itself lately) and I got a splinter in my thumb. No biggie, I just grabbed the tweezers and got the sucker out. Monday morning I had to take Blue, our 10-year old beagle to the vet for dental surgery. His teeth have been horrible for way too long but I kept living in denial and was in fear of taking him to the vet. I finally broke down and took him 2 weeks ago. So they tell me his teeth need to be pulled and they will give me an estimate of what it will cost when we leave. They check his irritated skin which is why I brought him in and they prescribed and anti-inflammatory. I told them how he likes to pee in my house in 2 particular spots and they gave me an antibiotic and said it might be a UTI. I left $266 poorer with a follow up appointment for the following Friday. Friday he had 3 shots, they took urine, gave us a new medicine and we scheduled him for surgery on Monday.  I left $217 poorer and depressed just as the weekend began.

Monday morning I dropped off Nate and then Blue. I was nervous all day but he was fine and had 17 teeth pulled and I am now $517 poorer. I couldn’t believe it but he was a just little groggy and still has 25 left to work with. Remember that splinter from Sunday? By Tuesday morning I knew that I had missed a little bit and it had swelled up to a little smaller than a chocolate chip. I headed to the dermatologist and she numbed my thumb and came at me with a scalpel. I almost passed out so she laid me back and I closed my eyes. I didn’t change the bandage until the next day and was shocked to see the HOLE in my thumb! It makes me queasy every time I think about it.

While I was waiting to see the dermatologist Love called and told me that something exploded behind our house. Turns out it was a 21-year old at this tiny environmental company using a torch to cut apart a propane tank. Brilliant. Luckily there is an ambulance company a few houses away so they took the guy over to Stony Brook immediately. While I was on the phone with Love he also mentioned that Nate was running a fever. When I came home he was a mess on the couch. I took his temperature and it was 103.7 degrees. I gave him Motrin and we headed to my bed since he wasn’t hungry. He was sweaty and tossing and turning most of the night but by mid-morning he was better so I figured it was a virus. That night he spiked the fever again…and last night again. Luckily this morning he wanted to go to school and his temp was 98.6.

Now it’s time for the weekend!

P.S. I have been trying to be creative with that damn Elf on a Shelf this year so I will post some fun photos next week ;)

Thanksgiving…I Know I’m a Little Late

The month of November has flown by at record speed. First a hurricane, then Election Day, Veteran’s Day, Thanksgiving…schools we closed more than they were open. For Thanksgiving we continued our tradition of driving Upstate to my in-laws. Love gets to hunt and my mother-in-law gets to feed us for 3 straight days. I always eat like crap and gain 10 pounds and this year was no different.

What was different was driving from 12:30am to 4am to get there which I have vowed to never do again. I fell asleep at 11:10pm and Love woke me up at 11:50pm. I don’t work well on very little sleep so I was a cranky bitch the whole ride and I kept dozing and then startling myself awake in fear that Love was asleep. When we arrived at 4am Nate woke up and announced that he wasn’t tired anymore. Yay! Great start to the holiday!

Thanksgiving was the usual fried turkey and antipasto salad that I love and of course dessert is always a highlight. I had the most fun this year shooting BB guns with the kids in the backyard. I know that sounds very back woods of me but I was glad my 4-year old shot his first gun with his cousins. My mother was horrified but she doesn’t get how fun it is to shoot at things!

Black Friday is always spent at the mall in Kingston. We have the kid’s picture taken with Santa and then we do some shopping. At some point we hit the food court for lunch and then head to Target as our last stop. The great thing about the mall there is that there are hardly any people. Don’t get me wrong there are a lot of people at the mall but not nearly what you would find at a mall on Long Island. You have to be crazy to go to the malls here or at least have a death wish. Friday night we always have dinner at Angela’s an Italian restaurant close to their house. It’s all you can eat pasta night and for the first time ever my sister-in-law and I had adult beverages with dinner. I actually felt like a grown up! Until my son said my nephew’s pickle was a penis…

Saturday morning we drove home so we could have dinner with my parents and my brother and his family. It felt like the longest day ever and I just wanted to get home and take a nap but instead I quickly got us ready to get back in the car. Dinner and dessert made me so sleepy that I am surprised I made it home before falling asleep.

Sunday we took family photos, ran a few errands and got home at 3pm. I wanted a nap again so badly but instead I started vacuuming and moving furniture in my living room to make room for the Christmas tree. Nate was super excited and I like to put it up the weekend after Thanksgiving because it puts me in a better mood. I love watching TV in the dark with just the tree lit. It reminds me of being a kid and how much simpler life was (not that it felt that way).  I was so happy to finally sit down at 8pm and watch my shows. I like Sunday night to be mommy time because I can watch my shows in peace and drink some wine. It’s a wonderful thing!

Monday it was back to work…more on that at another time…

The Abominable Obama

Friday night Nate and I were at Toys "R" Us to get some Christmas shopping done. As we approached the store he spotted a claw machine with an Iron Man doll in it. He of course said he wanted to see it so on the way out we stopped by to take a look. I am very good at the claw machine and have won some pretty fun stuff in them but I was not getting Nate ANOTHER Iron Man. All of a sudden I spotted a stuffed Obama head with big ears. It was so funny and Nate asked why I was laughing so I replied, "Look at the stuffed Obama head doll." He looked at me and started laughing and said, "The Abominable head!" which made me laugh harder. I explained that it was not the Abominable but Obama, our President. He said, "Yeah, I know that." His standard response to everything lately.

Sunday I decided that we should wrap the kids presents together. I let Nate pick which paper each present got wrapped in and at one point he chose Rudolph paper and asked me to cut him a piece with the Abominable on it. I handed it to him and he said, "We saw him last night in the machine." I started laughing and again explained that we saw Obama the President and not the Abominable. This time he looked at me and said, "Oh yeah, he's white and fluffy right?" Far from it my boy, far from it lol!

Pilates Panic!

Last week life started to get back to normal for all of us. Nate was back at school, I was back at work and getting back to my routine. I was really looking forward to getting back to Pilates because after 2 weeks off I was feeling out of shape. I went to class alone on Tuesday and I found out that today is our instructors last day!

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Panic set in as I realized that my beloved Pilates class was no more. My instructor is such a wonderful woman and she pushes us just enough but not too far. I have been feeling so much stronger after the last 3 months and now it might be over. I am hoping that there is a Christmas miracle and that next Tuesday someone will show up to teach the class. I don’t think I can make it through the next month of eating and drinking without Pilates.

I’m trying not to drive myself crazy thinking about it so I have a plan in place. I will take yoga on Mondays and Fridays and try to use my DVD at home to fill in. It won’t be the same but I need to keep doing something at this point. In January I am joining the gym at work so I can use the elliptical for an hour a day but I really had hoped to do that Mondays and Fridays and keep Pilates for Tuesdays and Thursdays and my massage on Wednesdays. For right now I will be thankful that I have Pilates today and a massage tomorrow. I’ll worry about all of this next week after the holiday.

Bad, Bad Mommy

There are so many days that go by where I wish I could have done more…okay almost every single day goes by in the blink of an eye and I never have time to do the things I want to do. As an adult I understand that I have to go to work in order to afford the basic necessities in life. The fact that I understand that logic in no way negates my feelings that I would love to spend more time with my child…well, sometimes.

Let me begin by saying that on a weekday basis I wish I had more time with Nate. We rush around in the morning trying to get out of the house and I always end of yelling at him for something. He is like a slug in the morning and I am on my own to get him out the door and into the car. When I arrive home after work he wants to be on top of me because he missed me all day. I miss him too, but sometimes I have to pee and that’s pretty hard to accomplish with a 4-year old strapped to your neck. The next 2 hours are usually a blur of preparing dinner, eating, arguing over dessert, bath time, getting into pajamas, picking out clothes for the next day and finally laying in my bed together to rest.

Weekends and days off are a whole different story in my house. Nate is usually up between 6:30am and 7:30am (if only he could do this on school days) and is yelling that he has to go potty and then he begins whining for food and a drink. I drag myself out of bed and head to the bathroom with him and then we make our way to the kitchen. I make him something and then crash on the couch hoping that he will leave me alone so I can get another half hour of sleep. This of course rarely happens so instead I try and keep him occupied and I pray that there will be time in the afternoon for a nap.

Basically what this all boils down to is a cranky mommy due to lack of sleep (if only I could fall asleep at 8pm like him I would be fine) and a child who wants all of my attention because daddy is still sleeping since he worked most of the night. We go back and forth about what he wants to do (he likes games but I hate all of the games that we have so I push for coloring or puzzles) and eventually we settle and enjoy each other for a little while. Eventually he starts to whine for food again and gets cranky when I don’t offer what he wants. He will then continue to be cranky and he will at some point yell at me and I will calmly tell him that we do not yell at mama which makes him yell louder and cry harder and I start to lose my shit. Bad. Bad. Mommy.

I hate that it happens but he drives me over the edge with his temper which he inherited from me of course. I don’t curse around him so I just always end up yelling, “I’m done!” and I walk away. He hates that I walk away but I’m not sure what else I can do. He does calm down after a little while when I do that so I figure it’s better than having a screaming match with a 4-year old. Time outs don’t work because he just gets up and runs and after 5 or so times I lose it. I keep telling him there will be consequences and I do take away toys or restrict TV. I feel like I am losing my mind sometimes but I keep telling myself I am not alone. There have to be other mothers experiencing the same thing. Right?