There are so many days that go by where I wish I could have done more…okay almost every single day goes by in the blink of an eye and I never have time to do the things I want to do. As an adult I understand that I have to go to work in order to afford the basic necessities in life. The fact that I understand that logic in no way negates my feelings that I would love to spend more time with my child…well, sometimes.
Let me begin by saying that on a weekday basis I wish I had more time with Nate. We rush around in the morning trying to get out of the house and I always end of yelling at him for something. He is like a slug in the morning and I am on my own to get him out the door and into the car. When I arrive home after work he wants to be on top of me because he missed me all day. I miss him too, but sometimes I have to pee and that’s pretty hard to accomplish with a 4-year old strapped to your neck. The next 2 hours are usually a blur of preparing dinner, eating, arguing over dessert, bath time, getting into pajamas, picking out clothes for the next day and finally laying in my bed together to rest.
Weekends and days off are a whole different story in my house. Nate is usually up between 6:30am and 7:30am (if only he could do this on school days) and is yelling that he has to go potty and then he begins whining for food and a drink. I drag myself out of bed and head to the bathroom with him and then we make our way to the kitchen. I make him something and then crash on the couch hoping that he will leave me alone so I can get another half hour of sleep. This of course rarely happens so instead I try and keep him occupied and I pray that there will be time in the afternoon for a nap.
Basically what this all boils down to is a cranky mommy due to lack of sleep (if only I could fall asleep at 8pm like him I would be fine) and a child who wants all of my attention because daddy is still sleeping since he worked most of the night. We go back and forth about what he wants to do (he likes games but I hate all of the games that we have so I push for coloring or puzzles) and eventually we settle and enjoy each other for a little while. Eventually he starts to whine for food again and gets cranky when I don’t offer what he wants. He will then continue to be cranky and he will at some point yell at me and I will calmly tell him that we do not yell at mama which makes him yell louder and cry harder and I start to lose my shit. Bad. Bad. Mommy.
I hate that it happens but he drives me over the edge with his temper which he inherited from me of course. I don’t curse around him so I just always end up yelling, “I’m done!” and I walk away. He hates that I walk away but I’m not sure what else I can do. He does calm down after a little while when I do that so I figure it’s better than having a screaming match with a 4-year old. Time outs don’t work because he just gets up and runs and after 5 or so times I lose it. I keep telling him there will be consequences and I do take away toys or restrict TV. I feel like I am losing my mind sometimes but I keep telling myself I am not alone. There have to be other mothers experiencing the same thing. Right?
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