I am at day 3 post hypnosis and I am really feeling changed. That may sound ridiculous but I have not had a Diet Pepsi since Tuesday afternoon pre-hypnosis (Super Big Gulp of course) and if you know me then you know that is a BIG DEAL. When I was pregnant with Nate I had to admit to my OB that I was addicted to Diet Pepsi. It was embarrassing, like a dirty secret that I didn't want her to know. When I told her how much I actually consumed daily she told me to wean myself off and not go cold turkey. I did what she said and I stayed away from my beloved Diet Pepsi for almost a full year but as soon as I took that first sip...it all came back to me.
Since the hypnotherapist told us to stay away from aspartame I threw away all of my Splenda packets yesterday and I have shunned diet drinks altogether. They have been replaced with flavored seltzer water and plain ol' water. It's been fine so far and I have not been craving soda at all. I think this may be a small change that I can live with and it may lead to other changes. They say aspartame starts sugar cravings and I have only had 3 Pop Ems in the last 3 days. No cookies or candy or anything like that. I'm not looking to cut out sweets completely but I think starting out this way will help me be able to enjoy just a serving when I do want it. I will admit I am a little scared heading into the weekend...
Friday, January 27, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
When I snap my fingers you will wake up!
I found out Tuesday that modern day hypnosis is nothing like you see in the movies. You are fully awake and aware instead of being under a spell of some sort that you suddenly wake from and don't remember. I also realized that hypnosis is not for everyone. I feel like it was a great experience for me but I have been experimenting with meditation and relaxation techniques for a while now and this was very similar so it felt very comfortable to me.
He began by explaining that we would not be asleep, that we would be aware of our surroundings and would be free to scratch an itch, get more comfortable, cough, sneeze or whatever else we needed to do while he was speaking. He had us lay down on yoga mats with pillows and blankets if we wanted and get as comfortable as possible. It began with deep breathing and then he moved into visulization. I didn't know what to expect and I was surprised to find that it was such an emotional experience for me. He asked us to think of the happiest moment of our life and at the same time touch the tip of our right thumb and forefinger together. I instantly thought of holding Nate for the first time. When I began to cry I wasn't embarassed and it wasn't an "ugly cry" it was just a slow stream of tears down my cheeks and I felt a release. I think it surprised me because when they handed Nate to me I didn't cry at all like I always thought I would. I was so happy and excited and exhausted but no tears fell, yet thinking back on that moment I cried.
He asked us to think of other positive things and repeat touching our fingers together. Then he moved to the left hand and asked us to think of the worst moment in our life. I wasn't sure if I could think of something and then it hit me like a ton of bricks and the tears came down faster. It was like it happened yesterday but it was actually 13 years ago this month. When my grandmother passed away my mother and her siblings asked the hospital to take her off of the machines helping her to breathe and let her go. It was the right decision and I would do the same for anyone I love. After she passed they put her in a private room so we could be with her and that was what came into my head. The worst moment of my life. He continued for some time with more visualization and even though I had to think of that I still had such a feeling of peace and calmness when he was done.
People have been asking if I think it worked and as of today I'm not sure. I do feel differently and I would like to eat because I am hungry and not out of emotional need. I want to eat foods that are good for me and help Nate continue his healthy eating habits so that he does not end up like me. Food should not be a reward and we have grown used to treating ourselves by eating. I want to treat myself with a new pair of pants instead because I have lost enough weight to need them. If I am upset I need to deal with the problem instead of eating and sleeping hoping it will go away. Hopefully hypnosis has opened me up to deal with things I was supressing and treating with food.
He began by explaining that we would not be asleep, that we would be aware of our surroundings and would be free to scratch an itch, get more comfortable, cough, sneeze or whatever else we needed to do while he was speaking. He had us lay down on yoga mats with pillows and blankets if we wanted and get as comfortable as possible. It began with deep breathing and then he moved into visulization. I didn't know what to expect and I was surprised to find that it was such an emotional experience for me. He asked us to think of the happiest moment of our life and at the same time touch the tip of our right thumb and forefinger together. I instantly thought of holding Nate for the first time. When I began to cry I wasn't embarassed and it wasn't an "ugly cry" it was just a slow stream of tears down my cheeks and I felt a release. I think it surprised me because when they handed Nate to me I didn't cry at all like I always thought I would. I was so happy and excited and exhausted but no tears fell, yet thinking back on that moment I cried.
He asked us to think of other positive things and repeat touching our fingers together. Then he moved to the left hand and asked us to think of the worst moment in our life. I wasn't sure if I could think of something and then it hit me like a ton of bricks and the tears came down faster. It was like it happened yesterday but it was actually 13 years ago this month. When my grandmother passed away my mother and her siblings asked the hospital to take her off of the machines helping her to breathe and let her go. It was the right decision and I would do the same for anyone I love. After she passed they put her in a private room so we could be with her and that was what came into my head. The worst moment of my life. He continued for some time with more visualization and even though I had to think of that I still had such a feeling of peace and calmness when he was done.
People have been asking if I think it worked and as of today I'm not sure. I do feel differently and I would like to eat because I am hungry and not out of emotional need. I want to eat foods that are good for me and help Nate continue his healthy eating habits so that he does not end up like me. Food should not be a reward and we have grown used to treating ourselves by eating. I want to treat myself with a new pair of pants instead because I have lost enough weight to need them. If I am upset I need to deal with the problem instead of eating and sleeping hoping it will go away. Hopefully hypnosis has opened me up to deal with things I was supressing and treating with food.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Changes Ahead!
I am very excited to make some much needed changes in my life. Some I can discuss now and others I can't so stay tuned and maybe I'll share some with you at a later date...yep, I'm a tease :)
Tonight is the continuation of phase 1 which is weight loss. I know, I know I have been struggling forever with this one but I am hoping to make a breakthrough tonight. In one hour I will be at the mercy of a hypnotherapist and I hope he can cure me of my eating disease. I will be stopping at McDonald's for a burger and fries prior to this of course (give me a break I didn't have lunch today!). When I quit smoking cold turkey it was no problem...I don't need cigarettes to live, but food is a necessary evil. Not sure how it will go but I am crossing my fingers. They say if you are open to it then it will work. I am open to a lot of things and this is one of them. Wish me luck!
Tonight is the continuation of phase 1 which is weight loss. I know, I know I have been struggling forever with this one but I am hoping to make a breakthrough tonight. In one hour I will be at the mercy of a hypnotherapist and I hope he can cure me of my eating disease. I will be stopping at McDonald's for a burger and fries prior to this of course (give me a break I didn't have lunch today!). When I quit smoking cold turkey it was no problem...I don't need cigarettes to live, but food is a necessary evil. Not sure how it will go but I am crossing my fingers. They say if you are open to it then it will work. I am open to a lot of things and this is one of them. Wish me luck!
Monday, January 23, 2012
Snowy Day
I have never been a fan of snow. Even as a child I hated being cold and wet. I had plenty of fun on snow days when I was a kid, but I always preferred feeling the warm sun on my bare skin. There is nothing I like more than having nothing on my feet. Snow on the ground does not allow my feet to be bare or even as close to bare as I can go on a normal winter day in my ballet flats. Nate however is the opposite of me when it comes to being outside. No amount of cold, snow or rain can deter him from wanting to go outside and run around. I have enjoyed this snow free winter until Saturday. I knew it was coming and I was glad that it was the weekend. As much as I hate snow I really hate to clean it off my car and drive an hour in it, so this was a good compromise I suppose. Nate had a great time and it didn't take Love long to shovel so everyone was pretty happy. I was especially happy this morning when it was 40 degrees and the snow that hung around was beginning to melt. If every snow storm could be like this one than I wouldn't mind having a few more...but I won't hold my breath on that.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Nate the Naughty Boy
I am so glad that I have the whole weekend ahead of me and that I will be able to spend some quality time teaching Nate how not to be naughty. He goes to preschool and I have been getting bad reports lately from his teacher. Last week the kids were on the playground and he pushed a 2-year old girl down and then pushed her face into the dirt. I was appalled that he would have even think to do that let alone do it to a little girl (who happens to be much smaller than him). He said he did it because he loves her and he didn't know why he was in trouble. I realized that I am now the one in trouble because I need to figure out how to stop him from doing this again. I was upset when he kept getting bit by another kid and now it was my kid who was the tiny terror.
I told him I had to take away a toy because a time out was not proper punishment for such a serious offense. He begged me not to take away his Boots (the monkey from Dora the Explorer) stuffed animal so that is exactly what I did. And he cried uncontrollably for a good half hour. (Quick aside...this reminds me of the time that he got attached to a plastic spoon and he hit me with it and I took it away and he went crazy and hit me again. I took the spoon, told him to watch me and I broke the spoon in half and threw it away...very bad mommy!) Anywhoo...I told him he could have Boots back the next day if Grammie got a good report when she picked him up from school. He was great the next day and was so excited to have Boots back.
He has been acting up at school on and off since this incident so I met with his teacher the other day and she said she's not sure what to do with him because he can be so good and then something little sets him off and he cries and screams uncontrollably. I Googled it and I'm not alone, but it doesn't make me feel any better. Yesterday a little girl knocked over his blocks ("my creation") and he pushed her and then argued with me that she pushed him back so it was okay. I'm losing patience so I'm hoping that a couple to days reinforcing good behavior and punishing bad behavior can get hime back on track. Please let this be a good weekend...
I told him I had to take away a toy because a time out was not proper punishment for such a serious offense. He begged me not to take away his Boots (the monkey from Dora the Explorer) stuffed animal so that is exactly what I did. And he cried uncontrollably for a good half hour. (Quick aside...this reminds me of the time that he got attached to a plastic spoon and he hit me with it and I took it away and he went crazy and hit me again. I took the spoon, told him to watch me and I broke the spoon in half and threw it away...very bad mommy!) Anywhoo...I told him he could have Boots back the next day if Grammie got a good report when she picked him up from school. He was great the next day and was so excited to have Boots back.
He has been acting up at school on and off since this incident so I met with his teacher the other day and she said she's not sure what to do with him because he can be so good and then something little sets him off and he cries and screams uncontrollably. I Googled it and I'm not alone, but it doesn't make me feel any better. Yesterday a little girl knocked over his blocks ("my creation") and he pushed her and then argued with me that she pushed him back so it was okay. I'm losing patience so I'm hoping that a couple to days reinforcing good behavior and punishing bad behavior can get hime back on track. Please let this be a good weekend...
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Busy Weekend
I have been putting off running errands for weeks and it finally caught up with me. After Christmas flew by faster than I can ever remember and I got back to work after 11 days off I just could not bear the thought of getting back to the real world. Saturday was my wake up call because Love was sick and I had to take Nate with me for some marathon shopping so we could restock the house. We started the day at Babies R Us and Nate was thrilled to leave with a Mickey Mouse Jets blanket for himself and some toys for his new cousin who will be arriving next month (by stork of course). We went there to get some items off of my brother and sister-in-laws registry since the baby will be here soon but it always amazes me that I can still get stuff for Nate even though he's going to be 3 1/2 next month.
We followed that up by going to Old Navy to hit the clearance racks for Nate and then took a break at Panera for lunch. We decided to stop at my parents to drop off the baby stuff I picked up for my mom and use the potty (one of the pitfalls of potty training - I hate public restrooms because Nate touches EVERYTHING Yuck) before heading to Target and Sam's Club. It's a good thing Love was sick because the car was packed and he wouldn't have fit. I put off grocery shopping until yesterday since Nate had school and I was off. It is amazing how bare the refrigerator and pantry were Friday and now they are all PACKED. I'm hoping to avoid shopping like the plague for another month.
Yesterday was the best day of the weekend. I dropped Nate at school and came home and weighed myself and the scale was suddenly my best friend. I gained weight back over the holidays and I have not been happy. I was meeting my friend Mike for a walk/run so I decided to weigh in at Weight Watchers before meeting him. I am so glad I did because I lost 3.2lbs!!! I was so mad on Thursday night because I weighed in and only lost .2lbs (and I was good all week) but it finally showed up on the scale. It was the motivation I needed to get me through running and I felt great after I did it and my foot didn't hurt. I need to take it slow but I hope that I will be running 5 minute stretches sooner rather than later. At least that's my goal.
We followed that up by going to Old Navy to hit the clearance racks for Nate and then took a break at Panera for lunch. We decided to stop at my parents to drop off the baby stuff I picked up for my mom and use the potty (one of the pitfalls of potty training - I hate public restrooms because Nate touches EVERYTHING Yuck) before heading to Target and Sam's Club. It's a good thing Love was sick because the car was packed and he wouldn't have fit. I put off grocery shopping until yesterday since Nate had school and I was off. It is amazing how bare the refrigerator and pantry were Friday and now they are all PACKED. I'm hoping to avoid shopping like the plague for another month.
Yesterday was the best day of the weekend. I dropped Nate at school and came home and weighed myself and the scale was suddenly my best friend. I gained weight back over the holidays and I have not been happy. I was meeting my friend Mike for a walk/run so I decided to weigh in at Weight Watchers before meeting him. I am so glad I did because I lost 3.2lbs!!! I was so mad on Thursday night because I weighed in and only lost .2lbs (and I was good all week) but it finally showed up on the scale. It was the motivation I needed to get me through running and I felt great after I did it and my foot didn't hurt. I need to take it slow but I hope that I will be running 5 minute stretches sooner rather than later. At least that's my goal.
Nate enjoying his grilled cheese at Panera
Saturday night was so cold we broke out our fleece feety jammies :)
Nate loved him some Thomas trains this weekend
Yesterday was my best hair day yet with the new cut...
Everyone tells me they like it but I am just beginning to agree
Thursday, January 12, 2012
I'm All Wet!
And not in a good way! It was drizzling when I dropped Nate off at school today but by the time I got down the street to the gas station it was pouring! I got drenched and when I got to work and took off my coat I realized that not only were my pants soaked through but so was the back of my shirt. Luckily I work in a building that has 2 dryers and my boss keeps his running clothes in his trunk. This is what I looked like while my clothes were in the dryer...
Very Professional
Pet Peeve #7
I am one of those people that has some anger issues. I readily admit to this and for the most part I keep my anger in check with my daily prescribed meds :) Some things put me over the edge even when I am medicated though and they all qualify as pet peeves in my book. My # 1 pet peeve is bad drivers, but since I can write a book about that one I will not even bother taking up time on here explaining it.
Last night I had a run in with #7 and I am still angry about it. Love had to take Nate to the pediatrician for me the other night because I had to go to my own appointment. The doctor told him that Nate needs to keep using his nebulizer because his wheezing is still hanging around from last week. Of course Love didn't ask me if we had enough meds in the house, and when I got home I realized that we were running low. I called the pediatrician's office yesterday and they were happy to call it in to the CVS by my house.
CVS called my house twice yesterday to say that they did not have Nate's insurance information in their computer and it would be over $300 without insurance. I stopped there on my way home and gave them the card explaining that he was sick 6 weeks ago and I got his antibiotic there so it was weird that they didn't have his info. The woman looked it up and sure enough it was in their system. She put it through and all I had to pay was $10. I'm not sure what imbecile put it through the first time, but that isn't even what made me mad!
I went over to pay for it and there was a woman with a shopping cart with about 40 items in it in front of me. Now I have shopped while waiting for a prescription but if there are people waiting I will go back to the front of the store to pay for my other items. There was a problem with her prescription and they couldn't fill it yet she still was allowed to unload her cart and pay for her stuff there while myself and 2 other people waited. I was pissed and let everyone know it. The woman ignored me and after 10 minutes finally left. I got Nate's meds and the cashier apologized. I told her it was fine but that the woman should not have been able to pay for her groceries (vitamin water, frappuccinos and depends yuck) while we waited to get medication. I say it all the time but I will say it again...I HATE PEOPLE!
Last night I had a run in with #7 and I am still angry about it. Love had to take Nate to the pediatrician for me the other night because I had to go to my own appointment. The doctor told him that Nate needs to keep using his nebulizer because his wheezing is still hanging around from last week. Of course Love didn't ask me if we had enough meds in the house, and when I got home I realized that we were running low. I called the pediatrician's office yesterday and they were happy to call it in to the CVS by my house.
CVS called my house twice yesterday to say that they did not have Nate's insurance information in their computer and it would be over $300 without insurance. I stopped there on my way home and gave them the card explaining that he was sick 6 weeks ago and I got his antibiotic there so it was weird that they didn't have his info. The woman looked it up and sure enough it was in their system. She put it through and all I had to pay was $10. I'm not sure what imbecile put it through the first time, but that isn't even what made me mad!
I went over to pay for it and there was a woman with a shopping cart with about 40 items in it in front of me. Now I have shopped while waiting for a prescription but if there are people waiting I will go back to the front of the store to pay for my other items. There was a problem with her prescription and they couldn't fill it yet she still was allowed to unload her cart and pay for her stuff there while myself and 2 other people waited. I was pissed and let everyone know it. The woman ignored me and after 10 minutes finally left. I got Nate's meds and the cashier apologized. I told her it was fine but that the woman should not have been able to pay for her groceries (vitamin water, frappuccinos and depends yuck) while we waited to get medication. I say it all the time but I will say it again...I HATE PEOPLE!
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Things Are Looking Up!
A little over a month ago I was dumb enough to wear three inch heeled boots to work with a cute dress and after a couple of drinks with friends (AFTER work of course) I fell and twisted my ankle. The next day I could hardly walk so I went to my podiatrist (who I have been seeing for 24 years - yikes) and he put me in a cast for 2 days and then a walking boot. I pulled the tendon and it took a piece of bone with it we found out 2 weeks later when the swelling went down. I went back to him yesterday and although it is still a little bruised and swollen he told me I don't have to wear the boot anymore. I have to be honest - I haven't worn it for the last 2 weeks! I have been able to move it more and it doesn't hurt when I walk so I knew it was improving.
I'm most excited because he told me that I can start walking again. I know that doesn't sound terribly exciting, but I need to move my fat ass and getting off the couch for a snack doesn't count. He also said I can start jogging regularly in March to prepare for a 5K in June. I am so excited and I hope that I don't hurt it again because I am ridiculously accident prone. Anyone who knows me well will tell you that I am clumsy and not sporty...a nice way of saying I am a disaster :-)
I'm most excited because he told me that I can start walking again. I know that doesn't sound terribly exciting, but I need to move my fat ass and getting off the couch for a snack doesn't count. He also said I can start jogging regularly in March to prepare for a 5K in June. I am so excited and I hope that I don't hurt it again because I am ridiculously accident prone. Anyone who knows me well will tell you that I am clumsy and not sporty...a nice way of saying I am a disaster :-)
I cannot count how many x-rays I have had in my lifetime :(
Nate and I enjoying some cuddle time
Crazy Eyes! LOL!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
I wish I were a little bit smaller...
As a kid I was a skinny little thing. I was always the tallest in the class and I was a picky eater. In high school I didn't appreciate the fact that I had a nice shape and in college I tried to hide behind big clothes because I thought I was fat. After college I started going to the gym for the first time and I was happy being a size 12. I have always had a big ass (which I found out plenty of men like) and I finally got boobs in college. When I got married I bought a size 14 wedding dress that had to be taken in. I thought I looked great and did not feel fat at all. At the time a friend of mine said I was the hottest bride he had ever seen and I felt that way. About 6 months into my marriage that all changed. I got a little too comfy being married and gained some weight. I decided that I needed to join Weight Watchers.
Nine months later I weighed 145 pounds and was a size 8. It felt great to buy new clothes and shop in stores that I wouldn't have dreamt of before that. I started a new job (where I still work) and nobody ever knew that I had a weight problem. Three years later we bought our house and started trying to get pregnant and everything changed. After 6 months of trying I was depressed and eating became a source of comfort. Six months later I turned 30 and our good friends announced that they were pregnant. I cried for weeks and slept all the time. It was the summer but I didn't want to go to the parties our friends were having because I knew everyone would ask when we were going to have a baby. Six months later in December 2007 we found out we were expecting. We were so excited but I had already gained 40 pounds and I knew it was only going to get worse.
When I hit 200 pounds during my pregnancy I promised myself that I would drop the weight even if it took me a while. Here I am almost 4 years later and I am still struggling. I need 2012 to be the year that I finally lose the weight. I will not have another baby until I lose 40 more pounds and get to my goal weight. Those 40 pounds have been haunting me for too long. I turn 35 in 6 months and I want to be able to wear a bikini to the beach this summer. It's a big goal but I need to get there this time. I have done it before and I know I can do it again. Plus I'm trying hypnosis in 2 weeks...that has to work...right?
Nine months later I weighed 145 pounds and was a size 8. It felt great to buy new clothes and shop in stores that I wouldn't have dreamt of before that. I started a new job (where I still work) and nobody ever knew that I had a weight problem. Three years later we bought our house and started trying to get pregnant and everything changed. After 6 months of trying I was depressed and eating became a source of comfort. Six months later I turned 30 and our good friends announced that they were pregnant. I cried for weeks and slept all the time. It was the summer but I didn't want to go to the parties our friends were having because I knew everyone would ask when we were going to have a baby. Six months later in December 2007 we found out we were expecting. We were so excited but I had already gained 40 pounds and I knew it was only going to get worse.
When I hit 200 pounds during my pregnancy I promised myself that I would drop the weight even if it took me a while. Here I am almost 4 years later and I am still struggling. I need 2012 to be the year that I finally lose the weight. I will not have another baby until I lose 40 more pounds and get to my goal weight. Those 40 pounds have been haunting me for too long. I turn 35 in 6 months and I want to be able to wear a bikini to the beach this summer. It's a big goal but I need to get there this time. I have done it before and I know I can do it again. Plus I'm trying hypnosis in 2 weeks...that has to work...right?
Friday, January 6, 2012
2012 Is Not Going To Suck...I Hope :)
I have high hopes for 2012...2009 sucked ass, 2010 sucked donkey balls and 2011 sucked something so horrific it shall not be written here...but I digress...
I am looking forward to a year full of weight loss, training for and running a 5K, Nate turning 4 (where did the time go?), fun times with family and friends (including a new nephew very soon!!!), warmer weather (which is already happening) and perhaps getting into a bikini if that first one works out for me finally. A woman can dream, can't she?
Here's to a very happy and healthy unsucky 2012...
I am looking forward to a year full of weight loss, training for and running a 5K, Nate turning 4 (where did the time go?), fun times with family and friends (including a new nephew very soon!!!), warmer weather (which is already happening) and perhaps getting into a bikini if that first one works out for me finally. A woman can dream, can't she?
Here's to a very happy and healthy unsucky 2012...
Oh yeah, I almost forgot about my new hair for 2012...it was a total fluke but I took the plunge yesterday and went darker, got layers and BANGS! I'm not convinced it was a good move but everyone else has been saying how great it looks...see for yourself...
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