I found out Tuesday that modern day hypnosis is nothing like you see in the movies. You are fully awake and aware instead of being under a spell of some sort that you suddenly wake from and don't remember. I also realized that hypnosis is not for everyone. I feel like it was a great experience for me but I have been experimenting with meditation and relaxation techniques for a while now and this was very similar so it felt very comfortable to me.
He began by explaining that we would not be asleep, that we would be aware of our surroundings and would be free to scratch an itch, get more comfortable, cough, sneeze or whatever else we needed to do while he was speaking. He had us lay down on yoga mats with pillows and blankets if we wanted and get as comfortable as possible. It began with deep breathing and then he moved into visulization. I didn't know what to expect and I was surprised to find that it was such an emotional experience for me. He asked us to think of the happiest moment of our life and at the same time touch the tip of our right thumb and forefinger together. I instantly thought of holding Nate for the first time. When I began to cry I wasn't embarassed and it wasn't an "ugly cry" it was just a slow stream of tears down my cheeks and I felt a release. I think it surprised me because when they handed Nate to me I didn't cry at all like I always thought I would. I was so happy and excited and exhausted but no tears fell, yet thinking back on that moment I cried.
He asked us to think of other positive things and repeat touching our fingers together. Then he moved to the left hand and asked us to think of the worst moment in our life. I wasn't sure if I could think of something and then it hit me like a ton of bricks and the tears came down faster. It was like it happened yesterday but it was actually 13 years ago this month. When my grandmother passed away my mother and her siblings asked the hospital to take her off of the machines helping her to breathe and let her go. It was the right decision and I would do the same for anyone I love. After she passed they put her in a private room so we could be with her and that was what came into my head. The worst moment of my life. He continued for some time with more visualization and even though I had to think of that I still had such a feeling of peace and calmness when he was done.
People have been asking if I think it worked and as of today I'm not sure. I do feel differently and I would like to eat because I am hungry and not out of emotional need. I want to eat foods that are good for me and help Nate continue his healthy eating habits so that he does not end up like me. Food should not be a reward and we have grown used to treating ourselves by eating. I want to treat myself with a new pair of pants instead because I have lost enough weight to need them. If I am upset I need to deal with the problem instead of eating and sleeping hoping it will go away. Hopefully hypnosis has opened me up to deal with things I was supressing and treating with food.
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