38 Weeks…

Yup, still preggers. It’s Halloween and I am not celebrating because I can hardly move, let alone go trick or treating. Every year since Nate was born he and I have been at my parent’s house going door to door together. Last year we were living with my parents (our 10-day “vacation” during Hurricane Sandy) and we walked around with our friends and had a really good time.

This is the first year that he will go out by our house and I’m getting the impression that he is not happy about it. He has already said that we bought enough candy so he doesn’t have to go out and today he told me he didn’t want to wear his costume. I’m feeling really guilty because I know he is feeling left out because of the baby, so I convinced Love to go in to work late so he could walk around with him for an hour. I’m leaving work early so my mother doesn’t have to figure into the equation at all. My mother means well but she can hardly walk and she told me she would take him to a few houses because there’s no one around. That’s right folks, that is my mother’s subtle way of telling me that she doesn’t like my neighborhood. I had no choice but to take matters into my own hands and tell her that Nate has been missing his daddy (which he has) and that I felt they should go together. Perhaps it was time for a new Halloween tradition. We’ll see how that works out.

So back to the baby…because that is all anyone can talk about these days. All day at work I get emails and calls inquiring if I am still around. Yeah, this kid is stubborn as a mule and doesn’t want out just yet. Even my co-workers every morning pop in just to make sure I’m still here. I’m here and getting crankier by the day. I didn’t want a Halloween baby but at this point I will happily give birth today.

What Now?

I was listening to Rhianna’s new song What Now and she sings “I guess I’ll just wait it out”. I’m right there with you ReRE…I’m just waiting for this little boy to come and I feel like it will never happen at this point. There is of course light at the end of the tunnel because I will be induced next week if he is still squatting in his comfy digs. I was really hopeful going in to my appointment this morning because he dropped significantly over night, the pressure is crazy, the sonogram tech said he is about 7 pounds 2 ounces and is healthy enough to be delivered now and I am at 4cm now…but nothing.

It was wonderful to see his little heartbeat on the screen, and the doctor while listening to it said that it’s the best heartbeat he heard all day. I told him that’s because he’s so comfy in there that he’s never coming out. He’s clearly happy and healthy, so why not hang around for a while. I swear he hears Nate yelling and me yelling and has decided that he would prefer the buffer of amniotic fluid to muffle that noise. I obviously have another smart kid on my hands here.

At this point I want to climb into my bed with all of my pillows and have some uninterrupted rest for a good 10 hours…maybe 12 hours. The drive to and from work has become a chore and something I dread everyday. Unfortunately I would prefer to save my days for after I have him instead of resting now. I may change my mind in the near future but for now I am trying to get through each day as best I can. All of my big projects are wrapped up so at least one stress has been taken away. Of course lots of other things are blowing up at work this week so I have that to deal with…it’s always something!

37 Weeks and a Day…

As of yesterday I am officially 37 weeks and I could not be more ready to have this baby. It hit me at the beginning of the week that when I was pregnant with Nate I was on bed rest at 36 weeks and he was born at 37. I was out of work and laying around my house napping just me and the dog waiting for a baby. I have been dragging myself through the days this week and I feel like my skin can’t possibly stretch anymore and I am getting full very quick because my stomach must be squashed. Have I mentioned how cranky I am? It doesn’t help that every morning when I show up for work by boss sees it as an opportunity to give me more work. I am trying to tie up several projects so I am not too thrilled to have more work added to my list…and he knows it!

I have been doing everything I can to move things along. I have been hitting pressure points, walking, jumping up and down (my co-workers were not fans of that one!) and I got a really great massage yesterday which I was sure would get labor going and nothing! Working 2 blocks away from the hospital I have been hoping to go into labor while I am on the clock so I don’t have to go all the way home and come back (2 extra hours in the car!). As time ticks away during the day I get more depressed that this kid is never coming out…even though I know he obviously is. I would like him to come out when it’s convenient for me and of course that is not happening. I’m so over the itchy belly, pressure and pain down below, back pain, heartburn, leg cramps and spending all night trying to get comfortable so I can be refreshed for work.

People think I’m crazy to complain because they say it’s easier to be pregnant than have a newborn at home but I am so ready to be home with the baby for so many reasons.

1. I want my body back. It wasn’t great before, but it was better than having this basketball in front of me at all times. I actually had to move my car at Target last weekend because I couldn’t get out of the car! The waddle is getting old.
2. I want to see what he looks like! I remember worrying so much that Nate would be ugly and he is a gorgeous little boy. I’m hoping this one is just as good looking.
3. I want to start using all the baby stuff. The nursery has been ready for a couple of weeks and I feel like it’s collecting dust waiting for this little man to get here. I want to start swaddling this kid already!
4. I want to spend more time with my family. I may take that one back in a month or so but I feel like we have no quality time together. I never see Love because of our work schedules (bumping into him at 1am in the bathroom isn’t as romantic as it sounds) and I get a couple of hours a night with Nate and one in the morning. Weekends are always filled with running errands, laundry and cleaning the house.
5. I want to know what being a stay-at-home mom is like. When I had Nate I felt rushed back to work because I could only afford a 12-week leave and only had 11 weeks with him. I hated dropping him at daycare everyday and trudging to the office. This time I planned ahead for health insurance and expenses and am able to take a longer leave. My only fear is not wanting to go back after 6-months off but my raise should help with that fear since it goes into effect upon my return.
6. My mom won’t be at my house everyday. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother and I really appreciate that she has always offered to help with Nate. She has made being a working mom much easier on me and my wallet. The problem is that she complains about all of the things that need to be done around my house. She’s always doing the dishes and vacuuming and folding laundry, etc. After working an 8 hour day with an hour commute each way I am not always in the mood to do dishes…and sometimes after doing laundry all day Sunday I don’t feel like folding the towels at 9pm. It can wait until the next day…or day after that. We are all healthy and happy and doing all of the housework that she feels needs to be done is not a priority sometimes. I’d rather spend 15 minutes reading to Nate and cuddling with him and let the dishes sit in the sink.
7. I get to watch Breaking Bad! Okay, this is a totally selfish motivation but I plan to watch Breaking bad from the beginning because I have never seen a minute of the show. If I get through it quickly enough I would also like to watch The Wire (Idris Elba!) and Deadwood (Timothy Olyphant and Garret Dillahunt!) and perhaps Veep. We’ll see how much free time I have on my hands.

The bottom line is I am really looking forward to a change of pace in my life for a little while. People say spend as much time at home as you can and I am really going to try and enjoy it. I know when I return to work that things are going to be very different with my promotion and it will be the beginning of our busy season. It’s a good time to be out on leave since it is a little slower and it will be a good time to return because my days will go by quickly.

Now it’s up to this baby to get things going!!!

Tantrum Terror

A friend of mine shared a blog post on Facebook this week and it really hit home with me after this past Saturday. I have been very lucky as a parent because for the most part Nate is an angel when we are around other people. He’ll get hyper and act up a bit but in his 5 years he has saved his meltdowns for my house and my parent’s house. I have always thought that the comfort of both places and the people in them is what makes him think it is okay to go completely mental at the drop of a hat.

As far as I can remember Nate has only had one major meltdown in public and it happened last month. Of course I wonder if it is like childbirth and you forget how bad the pain really was. This particular incident happened the day after his birthday party. Nate had some Toys R Us gift cards so we took him to the store. He didn’t find exactly what he wanted so I suggested we try another Toys R Us or order the toys online instead of spending the money on something else. He agreed and we went to a second Toys R Us right down the road. We looked around and they didn’t have the toys he wanted either but he saw an Angry Birds mystery pack (a $3.00 little plastic bag that contains a small figure but it’s a crap shoot on which one you get) and he insisted he was going to buy it with his money. I calmly explained that if he spent the $3.00 he would not have enough money for both of the other toys if we ordered them. He said he didn’t care and grabbed it anyway. I grabbed it and put it back and told him we were leaving. He grabbed it again and ran to the next aisle. I grabbed him and he threw himself on the floor screaming that he was buying it with his money. At 7-months pregnant I had to pick him up and drag him out of the store while he screamed and cried. I was so angry at him for embarrassing me but honestly what parent hasn’t been there? I was lucky this wasn’t a regular occurrence. He apologized after he calmed down and we moved on. What else can you do?

Saturday was his first soccer practice and Nate is a nervous kid. He talked about practice all morning and kept asking when we were going because he was excited. I figured it would go well because one of his friends would be there. Then we got there and all he did was whine and cry about how he never wanted to play soccer, he hates his “man socks”, doesn’t need to practice, was hungry…he went on and on and after 45 minutes I finally lost it. I told Love to take him to the car and take him home. He started yelling and crying and Love took him away. I said goodbye to my friend and she kept saying that as parents we have all been there before. I know it’s true, but it is still embarrassing, and he was disruptive while the other parents were trying to enjoy their kids having fun. I’m not looking forward to this weekend when we get to try it all over again.

This blog post really made me realize that my friend is right. We have all been in a situation where your kid is totally embarrassing and it does not make you a bad parent when it happens. We had tantrums when we were young, and no matter what style of parenting you subscribe to you are going to hit bumps along the road. I think that if you handle them with dignity and take charge of the situation then you have nothing to be ashamed about. I know I sympathize with other parents when their children are challenging in public. It goes with the territory and I think this guy sums it up quite nicely…

themattwalshblog.com/2013/09/15/dear-parents-you-need-to-control-your-kids-sincerely-non-parents/

Pain in the Pelvis

Just when I was feeling great about this pregnancy…I’m almost 32 weeks along and have no signs of the preeclampsia that plagued the tail end of my pregnancy with Nate. I have no swelling, my blood pressure is great and I have no protein in my urine…smooth sailing for the next 8 weeks right? Of course not! Nothing in my life goes smoothly so I knew a bump was coming at some point…but I didn’t see this coming…

I have been having pain in my pelvic region for about 2 months now but it wasn’t too bad and it came and went, so I just thought it was the way he is positioned that was creating the problem. I bought a maternity belt, which I always wondered why anyone would need, but it was a miracle cure especially on days that I was on my feet a lot. Recently the pain has been a lot worse at night and especially when I try to roll over in bed or get out of the bed to go to the bathroom (which is almost an hourly ritual lately). Getting off the couch has also become a chore along with walking up stairs and getting in and out of the car. Alright, I guess if I look back it has been bad for a bit but I handle pain well so I’ve just chugged along.

This past weekend was a little busy. We started with Nate’s soccer practice and then headed to my parent’s house for some lunch and a visit with my brother and nephew. I was feeling sluggish and slow but I didn’t sleep well so I thought I was just tired. We got home and I headed down to the basement to go through some stuff, break down boxes to go out this week and find the car seat. After 2 hours I was having trouble walking and it was tough getting back up the stairs. I took a hot shower and lay down in bed. Len got takeout and after dinner I went back to relaxing.

Sunday Nate and I relaxed until Len woke up and then we got ready to clean out the garage. This has been looming over my head for a year now (Hurricane Sandy made us throw everything into the garage and it seemed like nothing came back out this summer) and I was feeling pressure to just get it done. By 3:15pm we were done and I took a hot shower and hit the couch with Nate. By 5:30pm I couldn’t get back off the couch. My pelvis, hips and back were killing me but I blamed being on my feet and bending and sweeping, etc.

Last night I couldn’t fall asleep because I couldn’t get comfortable. I was at work all day so there was no reason for my body to hurt so much. I decided to look up pelvic pain in pregnancy and immediately hit on Syphysis Pubic Dysfunction (SPD). It is a condition where the pelvis opens naturally during the end of pregnancy to allow the baby to pass through but it opens too much and there is too much movement causing extreme pain and can even dislocate in some cases. I had to put the iPad away and forget about it. I figured if I still had the severe pain in the morning I would call the doctor. I was up at 5am and watched some TV and got ready to go to work. I felt horrible and called the doctor as soon as they opened. My OB pushed on my pubic bone and immediately diagnosed SPD. She also dropped the bomb that there is no cure and childbirth could actually make it worse and it could linger for months after I give birth. She apologized (I love this woman!) and said the maternity belt and massage therapy will help but a c-section may be my only option if it gets worse.

It is going to be really difficult but I am turning over a new leaf for the next 2 months and I am going to take it easy. Love is just going to have to help more and certain things are just not going to get done. It’s going to be very hard but I need to fight through mentally or physically I will be a mess. This too shall pass…

31 Weeks and Lots of Changes!

Summer is over (I could cry just writing that) and it was a crazy few months. I have been looking forward to fall for some peace, but of course I was insane to think that that would happen! First a quick recap of the end of summer…

Nate turned 5! That was the big news at our house this summer. As my belly got bigger I watched Nate grow into a 5-year old who was so excited to have a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle party to celebrate. This year I decided against a house party because at 6-months pregnant I could not handle it. We had the party at Jump which has bouncers and an arcade. It worked out really well because the kids spent a half hour in two separate rooms with different bouncers, a half hour in the arcade and a half hour for pizza and cake. Two hours and we were done! Nate had a great time with his friends even after he had a little accident which resulted in a bloody nose and fat, bruised lip. He could not wait to get home and tear into his presents and he loved everything he received (I’m still working on sending thank you notes…another mommy fail).

After his party we moved into back to school mode. Preparing for kindergarten was exciting and sad for both of us. We were both excited to shop for new clothes and sneakers and especially school supplies. I got some great deals on his clothes and I was super excited to be done mid-August. We then moved on to prep for soccer. That’s right…Nate decided that he wanted to play soccer this year so I signed him up and we bought him cleats and shin guards. He’s excited to run around and we pick up his uniform this weekend and he starts playing the following weekend. I have him playing right near my parent’s house so they can jump in and help me out when I am 9 months pregnant, especially when Love is working. One of his friends is also playing for the first time so I think he will do well.

Labor Day came quicker than I expected this year. I feel like I have been pregnant forever yet the summer flew by. Nate started school the day after Labor Day and I was a wreck. I went in to work late so I could get him on the bus and take photos. He woke me up at 6:30am ready to get dressed and on the bus. I told him he needed to relax and have some breakfast first. As we got ready thunder started to roll in and I knew it was not going to be a fun morning at the bus stop. We walked down early and took umbrellas just in case. Our neighbor came down with his two kids and another little girl came down soon after. The thunder was getting closer and soon lightning followed. Our neighbor went and got his car and after the skies opened up the kids jumped into his car. We were all soaked through and the umbrellas did little to help. Soon the bus arrived and I held the umbrella as the kids jumped on the bus…without even saying goodbye Nate was on the bus and off to his first day of school…and I cried the whole way back to the house. I was grateful that the storm came through when it did because there was no time for any of us to get upset. When he got off the bus he said he had a great day and was excited to go back. Success!

Or so I thought…after two days of school the Jewish holidays were upon us and Nate had a four day weekend. After spending so much time with Love, Nate decided that they should just stay home together all the time. I had to convince him that he had to go to school but he got dressed and seemed okay. Love reported back that Nate cried getting on the bus and off the bus on Monday. Nate said another little girl cried too but he was fine when he got to school. We had meet the teacher night on Monday and we like his teacher and so does Nate which is much more important. She said his first three days went well and I hope that continues. He has cried the last two days getting on and off the bus but this morning Love reported that he stopped crying as soon as he sat in his seat…we’re making progress!

This morning I went for my 31 week check and had a sonogram. Baby Evan is roughly 3.9 pounds and on target for size. He has plenty of amniotic fluid (I had a little scare two weeks ago where I thought I was leaking fluid but luckily it was a false alarm) and is head down. This little boy is ready to go! His room is almost ready, although the rest of my house is a disaster but at least he and Nate have clean rooms. We have a lot going on the next few weekends and I am feeling the nesting pressure. We need to clean out the garage, begin the fall clean up outside, put together the baby’s furniture and other items and clean the basement…and we have 9 weeks to do it if he is not early…and Love works every third weekend…and I don’t sleep much…it’s worse when I type it out! I have faith that it will all get done and I will be relaxing before I have this baby. A girl can dream right?

Mommy Fail

Today was probably the hardest day for me as a mommy so far. No parent likes to see their child upset and seeing my baby crying and running in fear was horrible. Nate is fine now, but today was a day that I thought wouldn't come until his teenage years. Let's start at the beginning...

Last Friday Love took Nate for his annual dental checkup. I was at work and I've taken him the last 3 years so I figured Love could handle it because they don't do much when they are this little. I couldn't have been more wrong. Love doesn't do well when Nate gets upset. I got a frantic call from him that the dentist was horrible, Nate was so upset and that he has 4 cavities and I needed to make an appointment to bring him back because he refused...and Nate was so upset they would only do it with gas. I told him to man up and immediately called to schedule his visit for the fillings.

Now, if you were to meet my husband on the street you would never imagine that he is the wuss that he actually is. I am the man in the relationship because he refuses to stand up to anyone or take any initiative anything. If something needs to get done than it is all on me. Which of course is very stressful for some things...like this. I am 6 months pregnant and the last thing I want to do is wrestle an almost 5-year old into a dental chair. I also wasn't thrilled to have to take another day off of work to do it when I am ridiculously busy and I was only promoted 3 days ago.

Nate had been asking a lot of questions leading up to today about getting his teeth drilled and the clown mask they would use. I was as honest as possible while also comforting him and reassuring him that the clown mask would help him not feel any pain. He seemed okay until we woke up this morning. He brushed his teeth right away (he is suddenly obsessed with brushing) and then kept saying he didn't need his cavities filled today. I knew it was going to be a rough morning. I had a conference call at 10am so Love got him dressed and we left just before the appointment.

As soon as we got there he started complaining about not wanting to be there. Every time the door opened and they called someone in he sighed and said he was glad it wasn't his turn...and then it was and he burst into tears immediately. Three lovely young ladies greeted us and they tried to calm him down. He remembered them from last week and walked to the room with them. They showed him how to get into the chair and he started to get the clown mask. They told him what he needed to do and he got increasingly agitated and started yelling. I got him into the chair and started to calm him down but then the dentist came in and it all went downhill. He was a little too firm with Nate on that he needed to be lying down with the mask on NOW. Nate burst into tears and jumped out of the chair and the dentist told us to take him back outside.

In the waiting room I assured Nate that he just needed to lie down in the chair and put the silly mask on and that they were just going to clean his teeth really good but he needed to be good and still. He calmed down and kept repeating what we were telling him. The girls were really good because they kept saying they would just squirt water in his mouth and clean out the cavities. When they called us back in they had put down a board on the chair that they were going to strap him on to. I knew he would freak out if they tried that and he just told them that he didn't need it and he would lay down.

I was so proud because as scared as he was he got right up on the chair and laid down and let them put the gas mask on him. Luckily he has been on a nebulizer since he was 6 months old so the mask didn't scare him. He complained it was uncomfortable and he wouldn't shut up. They told us he needed to be quiet and breathe deep so I stroked his arm and hair and helped calm him down. All of a sudden he started laughing. He was talking nonsense and the girls told the dentist they thought he was ready to go. I have never had gas before but if I ever need it I am going for it. I took video of him once the dentist started and he is giggling saying it tickles while getting the novacaine! He started to get a little panicky during the last 10 minutes because he felt it was taking too long. We kept assuring him it was almost over and he made it through!

After he told us it was no big deal getting his teeth drilled. Even though we all lied to him he knew what the dentist was really doing and I am so amazed with him. He is way too smart and that causes a lot of problems in situations like this because he knows what is going to happen. I have always hated the dentist so I honestly can relate to him being so scared. I dread going for cleanings yet I have no fear about childbirth. Crazy I know but it's a childhood fear that never left. I can still remember exactly what the dental office I went to as a kid looked like and what it smelled like and I will never forget. I'm so glad that it is all over and we took a 2 hour nap this afternoon to recover from it all. Now he's all better and can't wait until his brother gets his first cavity. Oy.

19 Weeks and Crying

I don’t remember being a total emotional mess when I was pregnant with Nate. I was scatter-brained and could hardly talk because I was always grasping for the word that was just on the tip of my tongue…this time around I am a big fat mess. Nate’s Pre-K graduation was last Friday and I took tissues with me knowing I would cry. Luckily his friend’s mom had been crying all day so I didn’t feel too terrible and when we began crying at the same time and I was able to offer her a tissue I felt a little better. Something about seeing these little kids dressed in their caps and gowns singing a cute song really got to me. I was also sad because it makes me think about him starting kindergarten and I hope that he will be back on track with his emotional issues.

Knowing how easily I cry (driving to work I hear ANY song and just start tearing up) I made the terrible mistake of watching I’m Having Their Baby. In case you have never heard of it, it’s a reality show on the WE network and it follows pregnant woman in their 3rd trimester as they struggle with their decision to give their unborn children up for adoption. If I wasn’t pregnant I would cry while watching this but now I bawl as I watch it. I sit in bed and do the ugly cry while these women sign away their rights to their tiny little babies in the bassinet beside them. The thing that really gets me is that most of the episodes I have seen involve women who already have children and the fathers are sometimes even still in the picture yet they realize they cannot afford to keep the child. Now you can argue that they shouldn’t have gotten themselves in the situation to begin with, but I cannot imagine carrying a child for 9 months knowing that I would have to give that baby away, and I commend them for knowing that the child can have a better life with someone else. I want to cry just thinking about it. Damn!

My forgetfulness is becoming a joke around my office. I stammer and stutter trying to come up with the word I am trying to say and the ladies think it’s hysterical that I am losing my mind. I am well known around the office for my elephant like memory so when I begin to forget things in general and can’t even talk they know it’s bad. This kid is sucking the life out of me. Of course this time around I know that I will bounce back to my old self in time once this little boy is born. Last time I was afraid that “mommy brain” was a debilitating disease that would never end. Now I know that it never really goes away and the cause is major exhaustion from lack of sleep for YEARS but it does get better. Nate has been sleeping in his bed for quite some time now…just in time for this little one to keep me up all night…

Morning Madness

Let me start by saying that I have enough trouble getting myself out of bed in the morning. I am not and probably never will be a morning person. If I am awake at 6am then I need a nap at 2pm or I will be fast asleep at 8pm for the night. My wonderful husband has always been a morning person and I always hated him for it. Why couldn’t he be a night owl like me? Every time we went somewhere after 7pm he would be ready to leave by 10pm while I wanted to stay out until 2am. Then we had a child.

When Nate was first born I adjusted (very grudgingly) to getting up early to feed him until I went back to work and Love and I agreed I would take the 10pm feeding and put him to bed and Love would do the 5am feeding and put him back down. This worked like a charm, I could get up just before 7am, shower and get ready with just enough time to wake Nate, get him dressed and get to daycare. He has always eaten breakfast at daycare so my mornings have basically stayed the same for the last 5 years.

Nate recently began sleeping through the night in his new bed (which is a blessing) and with the new addition of a TV in his room he rises with no complaints (at 6:15), turns on the TV and hangs out until my alarm goes off a half hour later. As soon as he hears me attempting to get out of bed (which is becoming increasingly harder these days) he pounces on me. He likes to start my day by giving the baby a big hug and I have to fend him off to rush to the bathroom because this kid that is the size of an avocado must live on my bladder. He heads back to his room while I shower.

Once I get out of the shower the real fun begins. Nate fires off question after question about anything that comes to mind…while I am still half asleep and have to ask him over and over to repeat himself because the bathroom exhaust fan is on. He will usually play on the iPad for a little while and then get himself dressed before coming at me with more questions while I struggle to blow dry my hair and pick out clothes. Once I am almost finished I ask him to get on shoes and tell me what he wants for lunch. This can turn into a whiny 10 minute argument so I give him all of his options and hope one sounds appealing. You are probably wondering why we don’t make lunch the night before like most busy parents…because my child is like his daddy and he changes his mind as the wind sways…and I am not a fan of preparing lunch twice for a 4-year old. Lunch box packed I throw it in his backpack, grab my bag and put on shoes and we head off to school. Today we added in the whining about having to wear a rain coat.

I long for the days of simplicity on days like today but I also take comfort knowing that I am not alone. I am one of millions of working moms struggling to get her kid and herself out the door in the morning and hopefully get to work on time. I will also be doubling the insanity later this year with the addition of this baby…I’m not a religious woman but God help me.

16 Weeks and Counting…

Work bathroom shot...don't mind the stuff on the floor...


I feel like I have been pregnant for a year already. I’m not even exaggerating when I say that. Knowing so early that you’re pregnant makes it drag out for so much longer. Yesterday someone asked how I was doing and they said I looked great and that it’s almost over…then I told them I have 24 weeks left and they looked horrified. Yup, I’m going to be pregnant forever.

Today I had my 16 week checkup and it was the quickest appointment ever. I wish they all could be like that. I was in the waiting room for 2 minutes and got called back to give a urine sample. I had been in the car for over an hour so I was happy to provide it. Then the nurse took my blood pressure and a vial of blood. I’m used to the routine and I know that they need a urine and blood sample every visit…such fun. The nurse took me to my exam room, weighed me (I have not gained anything so far – yay!) and the doctor came right in. We listened to the heartbeat he answered a couple of my questions and I was done. I love efficiency!

So baby Larry (as I now affectionately call him) is doing well and his heartbeat sounds great. I go back in 2 weeks for my anatomy sonogram and 2 weeks after that for my 20 week check. I can’t wait to get to 20 weeks and finally know that I am halfway there. Now it’s time to start cleaning out the last of the odds and ends from the nursery and get going on the remodeling for baby boy. This is the fun part!

It's a BOY!

I got the call from the doctor Monday that my Materni21 tests were negative (what a relief!) and that I’m having another BOY! I happened to be at home when I got the call because Nate was sick so as soon as I hung up Love and Nate were waiting for the news. When I told them it’s a boy they both started jumping up and down…and I felt a little sad. Then a minute later Nate started to cry as if he knew that I was sad, but he admitted that he really wanted a sister. I felt terrible for him and I let him know that it’s okay to feel sad that it’s a boy and not a girl and that he can talk about it and no one will be mad at him. I mean how could I not tell the kid that when for a moment I felt the same way?

Nate is a thinker so as the news set in he had some questions and things he needed to tell me. First he said that we could just have another baby which would be a girl. When I told him that this is the last baby I am having he thought about it. He then said that maybe this baby could have 2 heads so it could be a boy and a girl. I explained that the baby only has one head and it will just be a boy. He stopped throwing out solutions but just as he was about to fall asleep he turned to me and said, "So who told you it's going to be a boy?" The kid doesn't even trust me at this point!

When I was pregnant with Nate I swore from day 1 that he was a boy and I was so happy when I gave birth and heard them confirm what I had been feeling. After adjusting to life with a baby I realized that I really liked having a boy and I didn’t think I would even want a girl. Sure, girl’s clothes are cuter and I love the thought of dressing one up in cute outfits. At the same time though I was never a girly girl and I wondered if I would enjoy life more with 2 boys. When my friends and family told me about how difficult their girls were I felt like I would never be able to handle a demanding girl…and then Nate became a demanding boy.

When I found out I was pregnant this time I felt like maybe a girl wouldn’t be so bad and I even picked out a pretty lavender to paint the nursery. The room is already blue so I figured we would only have to paint if the baby was a girl. So now I just need to finish cleaning out the room and clean the walls before we start to move in the nursery furniture. This weekend I should be getting rid of the treadmill and the dresser that is currently in there so I can begin the transformation from office to baby room. I’m reusing everything from Nate so I really only need to coordinate more to the blue walls instead of the green walls that Nate has. It’s finally feeling more real and I think that Nate and I will have fun getting a few new things for the baby.

Pregnant Pause

Our Newest Little Peanut!

The title is actually a daily occurrence in my life. I have no problems walking a few miles at lunch on a nice day or getting on the elliptical for 45 minutes and catching up on some TV but if I climb a few steps or walk down the hall I am out of breathe. This had made my daily routine a little more difficult and I wonder how I’ll be feeling in a few months when its 90 degrees outside. I started showing at 6 weeks but this morning I put on a new dress I picked up over the weekend and Nate put his hands on my belly and said, “I think the baby is bigger today”. I certainly feel that way but I thought he would have made this observation yesterday when he kept pulling my tank top down to cover my belly which kept popping out as I was doing laundry and cleaning up. Yesterday I wasn’t wearing maternity clothes at all and I realized that will not have to come to an end even if it’s just around my house.

Everyone keeps asking if I’m having twins but I have now had 3 sonograms and we heard only one heartbeat on Friday. I had to remind my co-workers that I was HUGE when I was pregnant with Nate and he was less than 6 pounds when he was born. I was told recently that my body was made for birthing babies and I suppose it’s true. I had Nate after only 8 hours of labor and it wasn’t a bad experience at all. I had someone ask me if I was scared to have another baby and I said I honestly was only scared of giving birth with Nate and since that was relatively easy I’m not even worried about that this time.

I’m rethinking my hospital experience after watching “The Business of Being Born” recently. I’m still having this baby at the hospital but I have been seriously thinking about having a midwife present. My OB practice gives you the option so I think I am going to check into it a little more and see if I feel comfortable. It seems like they are more present at the birth than the doctor. I’m keeping my options open this time around and I’m going to watch “More Business of Being Born” to get some more info.

Good News!

April has been a really long month and I honestly will be glad to be done with it. It’s been crazy busy and I’ve been feeling very stressed. We’re finally back to our normal schedule with work and my mom but I’m still feeling a little in limbo. I’m hoping May brings good things!

Now don’t get me wrong the last couple of months have had their exciting points and I will now get to that good news…

#1 We’re having a baby!!! It’s a little confusing and hard to explain but basically I went to have my blood drawn too early which produced a negative result so I am now 11 weeks pregnant! I started showing at 6 weeks so I feel like I have been pregnant for about 6 months even though Thursday will be only 3 months. I’m already getting excited to find out if it’s a boy or girl because I have an obsessive need for order in my life and I want to finish cleaning out the room, get it painted and get it all set. Then I can enjoy the last 5 months of this journey knowing we are as ready as we’ll ever be for a new baby to come home.

#2 I have been offered a promotion at work! Not as exciting as #1 I know but it’s still pretty great. I was honestly thinking that the pregnancy would put a hold on things but it had the opposite effect due to my request for a longer maternity leave than the standard 12 weeks. I was smart enough to plan ahead for this one and I invested in short term disability so I can bring in some extra income while I am on leave. I figure that I’m not having any more kids and Nate will be at school all day so I will get some quality time with this peanut at the beginning at least. I’ll also get in some extra time with Len and Nate which will be really good for our family.

#3 Due to my “advanced” maternal age I had the option of amniocentesis or a new MaterniTY21 blood test. I am deathly afraid of the amnio so I chose the much easier and much safer blood work. Insurance doesn’t always cover it but I refuse to do the amnio which has a 1 in 200 to 1 in 400 rate of miscarriage. I worked too hard for this kid to have something happen and its well worth the $200. I was scheduled for next week but got bumped to this Friday and not only will the test tell us if the baby is healthy it will also tell us the sex! I thought I was going to have to wait until my 20 week sonogram…sometimes being old has its benefits! The waiting time for the results will suck but it will be great to know so early.

Spring is here and I am ready…bring it on!

Move That Bus!

I have to rant a little bit today because every day this week I have been early and since that never happens in the morning it is a real achievement. Don’t get me wrong I am never late to work (I’m actually always a few minutes early) but I don’t normally have too much free time on my drive in. Which is what has made the last few days so annoying…

My commute to work is roughly 45 minutes so if I drop Nate off a little early and I have no errands to run (gas, coffee and a bagel, groceries, etc.) I can get to work about 15 minutes early. Except for days that I get stuck behind the dreaded school bus. You know the one that stops at EVERY SINGLE HOUSE on a block. Is this honestly necessary? I got stuck on an empty street for 5 houses in a row and every child was outside with a parent. This cannot possibly be a safety matter and I would love to know the reasoning behind it.

I have also noticed in my neighborhood buses stopping and children coming out of their houses to get on the bus tying up traffic in both directions. Parents also need to curb their conversations with the bus drivers. I actually changed my route to work to avoid a certain street where I would get stuck every morning for 5 minutes while the mom’s in jammies bullshitted with the bus driver. Listen ladies, just because you have no job to get to, it does not mean that you should be inconveniencing those of us who do.

Of course this all comes down to the way things were in the 80’s when I took the bus to school. Every morning we would gather on the corner with our parents and wait for the bus. I grew up in a corner house so I didn’t have far to walk but some of the other kids had to walk 10 houses! And they survived! This country is in the middle of a childhood obesity epidemic and this is one more thing that factors in. We coddle our kids way too much and they are literally getting soft. Nate starts kindergarten in September and I plan on him walking to the corner (3 houses in either direction depending on the route) because it’s ridiculous not to.

Employee of the Quarter

I was surprised this morning in my office by two ladies from our Employee Relations Team. They showed up unexpected and asked to speak to me because they had news to share. They presented me with a letter from the CEO of the Hospital congratulating me on receiving the honor of Employee of the Quarter! I was surprised and a little embarrassed and very pleased that my co-workers were nice enough to nominate me. The ladies even said when the CEO was signing my letter that he told them it is “well deserved”. After almost 10 years of working here I must say that it feels good to be recognized as a valued employee…even if it is only by those closest to me.

The more exciting part of the honor is the things that come with being the employee of the quarter. I get a luncheon thrown in my honor where I choose the invitees, they present me with an award and flowers and I even get a parking spot! Of course since I don’t work in the Hospital I will use the spot for when I actually drive over there and my lucky husband can use it when he comes in to work.

It honestly is an honor that my co-workers would nominate me and they always tell me how great I am. I take it with a grain of salt because who agrees with something like that first of all and I am just coming to work each day and doing the job I have been hired for. Have I taken on more and more over the years? Of course I have. Anyone with a good work ethic would do the same and I was raised to give my all each day. It’s part of who I am and I can’t imagine not doing a good job at work. It’s an exciting day!

The Contest

I have a co-worker who keeps badgering me (in a good way) to become a stand up comedian. I shoo her out of my office constantly as she leaves articles about comedy shows and female comedians on my desk. Whenever I tell a story she interrupts me half way through and tells me I need to add it to my “act”. She’s not giving up anytime soon so as long as I have to work with her I will continue to tolerate her. Sometimes I wonder if she just wants me to quit and try something new…which is actually not such a bad idea…

A couple of weeks ago I took Nate to Staples (because who doesn’t love browsing office supplies?) and I found a cute notebook. I had decided that if I was going to let Marsha enter my brain even a little than I had to break down and start taking notes. I get a lot of ideas while driving which is a real pain so I usually email myself the topic really quick or will use voice memo to record a quick rant. I hate listening to my voice so the latter is really torture for me. I find it amusing because other people seem to like my voice. I am the “lady” on the voicemail for my office and the hospital and in a couple of days I am recording something for a radio commercial. I guess I should embrace the voice I was given and forge ahead with my new career!

Marsha keeps telling me to go to local comedy clubs and write material and go to an open mic night. She had no idea that I have stage fright. I still can’t believe I danced in a 5th grade talent show…thankfully video cameras weren’t popular back then. I have been writing and I have been open to maybe one day doing something that people may see. Saturday morning I was flipping through the channels and a commercial came on for “Joan and Melissa” which I love. Joan Rivers is someone that I admire so much and if I could be fortunate enough to have a fraction of her talent I would die. At the end of the commercial there was a clip promoting a contest that they are running…

So, I grabbed a pen and wrote down “Joan Knows Comedy” and grabbed the iPad. Entries must be 90 seconds (no big deal right?) and have to be submitted by next month (good for procrastinators like me). I grabbed my notebook and started writing. I wrote about this crazy job I had before I got married. I think it’s funny and I did a test run and it was 90 seconds. Not so bad. After reading a little I decided to write some more. This time I changed to a pop culture/music theme. I like the material much better and have decided to tape myself. I’m going to go for it and hope to win a trip to NYC to meet Joan…now I just have to find a quiet spot and hide away like a criminal to tape myself!

My Little Man

On a daily basis Nate makes me laugh, gets me angry and makes my heart melt. You just never know what is going to come out of the kid’s mouth and you really never know what kind of mood he’ll be in. My favorite side of him is the cuddly mama’s boy who wants hugs and kisses and says, “Mama, you are my first love”. How could you not want to cuddle all day in bed watching cartoons with that kid? I also love how smart he is and how he can tell me things about sea creatures that I would never know because he pays such close attention to the Octonauts. I love sitting at the kitchen table coloring with him, but only the pictures he tells me I can color. He is very particular about things.

I wish that Nate was a perfect little man all the time but I also realize that it’s not realistic. Kids are a pain in the ass sometimes but we still love them. He has his good and bad days and fights to get his way. I sometimes wonder if I feel like the bad outweighs the good sometimes because of the actual amount of time we get to spend together. He’s not going to be happy to see me at work after spending an hour in the car knowing that he has to get in my car and drive another hour to get back home. He’s not going to be happy when I tell him I can’t play because I need to cook dinner and clean up. He’s not going to like going to bed when he wants to watch one more show. He’s going to hate me when I wake him up at 6am and demand that he get dressed and tell me what he wants me to pack for his lunch. It would be easier if Love were there to balance it out but his work hours require us to each parent alone for a portion of the day. Love also gets some alone time at home which I do not have.

Basically it comes down to me wondering if all of Nate’s behavioral issues stem from my lack of quality time with him. Love takes him to the park and I have to fight with him to take a bath. No fair! Our lives have changed a lot since last fall and there are more changes to come. I just hope Nate can handle all of them. We have our meeting at the school next week to discuss their recommendations for Nate and I hope that we can get some help. I’m hoping for positive changes!

Tough Times

I started to write this last week but I had to stop and I finally went back to it today…if I can help even one woman going through the same thing then it is worth sharing my pain…

2/28/13

I am having the most stressful morning that I have had in a very long time. I was up early, have a raging headache and can’t take my normal Excedrin to knock it out. I am waiting for the most important phone call that I have ever waited for and I’m not sure what my reaction will be when I do get the call. I am practically shaking and I am coming out of my skin!

Nine days ago I peed on a stick and found out I was ovulating and that set everything in motion. When you have fertility issues getting pregnant is not fun. For most couples getting pregnant requires having sex and peeing on a stick when you miss your period. For me and far too many other women it is a completely different experience. For us it is a stressful, painful and emotionally wrenching period in our lives, that if we are lucky produces a beautiful miracle baby. I am one of the lucky ones who were able to get pregnant and birth a very special little boy. Now I’m hoping for a second miracle.

My cell phone rang and I jumped when I saw the number. A co-worker was in my office so I asked her to close my door because I needed to take the call. I picked up and very calmly the doctor told me that he received my results and I didn’t ovulate. He continued that I needed to come in and see him for a Clomid check during my next period. He was very matter of fact and not at all comforting. It reminded me of how much I miss my doctor who helped me get pregnant with Nate. I hung up the phone and tears started to fall.

I had selfishly convinced myself that I was pregnant. How stupid of me to think that one IUI was going to do the trick. Had I forgotten the months that ticked by while trying to get pregnant 5 years ago? I texted Love because I was afraid of crying even harder. I needed to pull myself together so I could open my office door again before people started asking questions. Then Carry On by fun. came on the radio and I really lost it. I never really paid attention to the damn song before and the timing really sucked. I finally pulled myself together and prayed the next hour would go by quick.

The next hour was really bad and I had to keep distracting myself. I then walked over to the Hospital for my weekly massage. A week earlier I had to tell my masseuse that I had IUI because there are certain areas you need to be careful of even in the very early stages of pregnancy. I walked into the massage room and was greeted by her ear-to-ear grin which made me very upset. She was hoping for good news and I had to tell her. She assured me that it would still happen and she was very comforting (unlike the damn doctor ugh!) even telling me to let it all out as she worked her magic.

I am so glad that I got the call before my massage because it was such a freeing experience which is such a bizarre thing to say. I cried for a good 10 minutes and then was very calm and haven’t cried about it again since then. It was such a wonderful experience and it helped me to let go of the pain and move on. I am now prepared to start the next step in the process and am hopeful that someday soon I will be able to say that I am expecting miracle baby #2!

Feast or Famine

I work in an office which has some problems…okay a LOT of problems. It’s an old nursing home that was closed in 2006 and was vacant for 2 years…besides the ghosts of course. Prior to this our office was in an old Victorian house that had a ton of problems of its own and we were happy to leave. Looking back though, we should have fought to stay.

The first issue we had was cleanliness and mold. The building is very rarely cleaned by the staff that should be cleaning and mold grows way more frequently than it should. All of the staff has experienced sinus issues over the last 4 years but we are told that we are crazy. They have had people come in and test the air and they tell us everything is fine even though we never see the reports. They tested for a second time last year and finally a mold remediation company came in to clean…but remember, everything is fine.

For the last 2 weeks it has been a balmy 80 degrees and I have even had to purchase a few short sleeve options because I refuse to tear apart my basement looking for my summer clothes. We complain that it’s too hot and our cries go unheard so we open windows and hope that the 30 degree weather outside will bring us some relief. I’d complain to our slumlord but he pays my salary so I digress.

Today I walked in to the building at 8am and wanted to head right back to my car. It was so cold that I refused to remove my coat. Luckily I dress in layers since I never know what I am in for. We all assumed that since we complained how hot it was that we were now being punished. All morning everyone complained as we typed with fingerless gloves stuffed with hand warmers while sitting on top of our space heaters. I finally left to get some soup and blast the heat in my car while enjoying my heated seats. I didn’t want to come back but I did and I had an email update on the situation.

It turns out that after several departments in the building complained someone finally looked in to the problem and our boiler was not working. In addition to having no baseboard heat our ceiling vents have been blasting us with A/C all morning. A little while later I received another update that something shorted so there is no hot air and someone had left to go get a new part. I swear that we are like the Boy Who Cried Wolf over here. They never believe us when we say it is too hot or cold or muggy or dry. This place is a disaster and I wish there was another place for us to go. Instead I dress for any possible weather scenario and hope for the best.

New Schedule

Let me start by saying I am NOT a morning person. I have become a little better at waking up early since having Nate but whenever I get the chance to sleep in I certainly take advantage. On weekday mornings I struggle to wake up before 7am and rush around like a nut trying to get Nate and me out the door on time. It never happens and he is always at least 5 minutes late to school which luckily doesn’t matter because it’s before care and not his actual class. The funny thing is that I always run a quick errand before work (gas, breakfast or groceries) and I always arrive early. If I’m late for work it throws off my whole day.

My mother had to schedule foot surgery so we needed to juggle our schedules a bit for the immediate future. Love switched back to nights (4pm to midnight) and I go in an hour earlier and work 8am to 4pm and drop Nate at school at 7am. When Love comes to work at 4pm he drops Nate with me and Nate and I head home. Today is day 3 and Nate was much better for me this morning because I woke him up at 6am. Last night he told me that I wake him up too late and he feels rushed and that is why he gets cranky. Weird because I am the total opposite: I got to work this morning and realized my shirt was on inside out.

The real adjustment for me is going to bed early. I am used to being wide awake at 11pm and dragging my ass out of bed at 7am. I’m more of a 10 hour a night sleeper than 8 hour. In order to get 8 hours I need to be asleep by 10pm but to be happy I need to be asleep at 8pm and that is not happening. Nate is still awake at 8:30pm and I have been forcing him to fall asleep and he doesn’t like it. Basically our new schedule includes a lot of arguing between me and a very stubborn 4-year old. Pinot Grigio take me away…

P.S. Happy Valentine's Day!

Snow Daze

It’s been a rough few weeks for me. I’m actually being modest in saying it’s been rough because it has actually been kind of hellish for me. Two weeks ago I was sick and then Nate got sick which was lovely because I was off for a whole week. If you’re not a parent then you have never experienced being really sick while caring for your child. It’s much harder when the kid is a baby and you really have to do everything for them but Nate is no cup of tea lately. I was trying to rest so I could feel better and get back to work (my boss was taking vacation and I get so much more done when I don’t have 100 extra things thrown at me on any given day) and Nate made it impossible. I left work early on a Tuesday sick and Sunday morning I finally felt better and that’s when Nate’s cold kicked in and he sneezed for 3 days straight. Have I mentioned that I hate the winter?

Nate allowed me to sleep in until 8am each day but from there it was a constant barrage of asking for food, to change the channel, put him on the computer, wipe him after he pooped…I could go on for days. Of course each of these requests usually occurred after I had just dozed off or just got back into bed and got comfy. My kid is lucky he is cute because even when I get annoyed at him it doesn’t usually last long. I was so happy for the weekend to finally come because Lenny could at least help while I finally rested. Then Monday arrived and we spent the entire day in my bed because he was sick. I vowed that I would kill someone if I didn’t get back to work on Tuesday.

Tuesday through Thursday were lovely quiet days at work and I got a lot done. Since things were going so well there had to be something brewing right? Everyone was talking about the blizzard that was headed our way and it even had a name…Nemo. If only I had known that the storm named after a cute cartoon fish would reek havoc in my life I would have…well done nothing because what could I have done? I left work an hour early Thursday and headed to the grocery store like every other Long Islander. I got my bread and milk and a bunch of other crap we really didn’t need because if I was going to be trapped in my house for another 3 days I was going to have a variety of foods at my disposal. I also hit the pharmacy and stocked up on cold medicine just in case Nate got sick again.

Nate and I stayed home Friday because my Mother panics when it rains so snow throws her into a freefall. It rained all morning and at 2pm turned to ice and continued for 5 hours. Love went out and shoveled the ice after it turned to snow and we were asleep during the worst of it. We woke up Saturday to 18 inches of snow and we were lucky. My parents got 33.5 inches which was the most snow in all of New York. We are also lucky to live in an Incorporated Village because our roads were cleared before we even got out of bed. Today is Tuesday and some streets on Long Island still have not been plowed. The LIE was closed until yesterday morning Westbound on the East End and opened today going East. Many school districts are still closed today. There are many spots that have been plowed but as you are driving your lane suddenly ends as if the plow made a left around something and now you are doing the same…only heading into oncoming traffic. The worst roads were those where people had to abandon their cars because they were stuck with other people and had to give up trying to get anywhere.

The forecast is for more snow tomorrow and I don’t think I’m ready for it. This kind of weather makes me wish I was a kid again and I only saw the fun in snow…too bad I am a grumpy adult with a bad back lol.

Friday Blahs

Do you ever have the feeling that everyone around you is getting ahead in this world and you are dragging behind? I’ve been feeling that way since I returned to work on Tuesday and I am so glad that it is Friday because I really need a quiet weekend to decompress from the week. I’ve been feeling under valued and under appreciated for months (maybe years?) at my job but it has really come to a head recently. I’m hoping things will get better, but I don’t see that happening anytime soon so I may have a big decision in my near future.

The situation with Nate is also at a breaking point. He has more good days than bad but when he has a bad day you better watch out. I met with the Special Education Coordinator for the school district yesterday and filled out paper work so he can be evaluated. He is scheduled for his evaluation on February 14th and I hope it goes well. Someone will be coming to his school and taking a social history and performing a psych evaluation and a classroom observation. I’m sure I will be super nervous that day. I will then meet with the Special Ed Coordinator in March to discuss the results.

I’m heading over to the gym for the first time in over a week and I have every intention of working out some of my frustrations on the elliptical. After such a long week I need a massage and a glass of wine but I will settle for sweating and cold water.

Miss Manners 2013

Have you heard of the latest craze in thank you notes? When you go to a kids party these days you leave with a goody bag full of treats and a thank you note. Is it just me or is that weird? I know that everyone these days has a lot going on, but is it too much to ask for a little bit of a personal touch...

Growing up I was taught to send a thank you note when I received presents. As an adult I have been praised for always sending a nice note for gifts we have received. I have been told that it is a bygone era when Miss Manners ruled the World and a note of thanks really meant something. Maybe I'm just old fashioned but I feel like it's the least I can do when someone goes out of their way to buy a gift.

I guess that is why I am so bothered by getting a thank you before my present is even opened. A generic thank you doesn't take that much effort an almost seems lazy. I like the person receiving my note to know that I appreciate the gift they gave. Maybe I'm being too harsh because at least they thought enough to write a card.

I have given too many gifts without receiving a verbal thank you, let alone a card. At this point I have begun to just drop those people off my thank you card list. It's like the Christmas card list, if you can't be bothered to send a Christmas card then you get dropped from my list. It's that simple. If you can't take a few minutes to thank me for a gift that I went out of my way to pick out then I'm not thanking you either. I'm pretty sure those people don't care about getting thank you notes anyway. I'm not going to let it get to me. My mother can obsess about it for both of us.

The Dreaded Call…

As a parent of a school-aged child you are always in fear of the dreaded call…from someone at the school telling you that your kid has done something bad. I have been on the other end of the call a few times already and I always apologize and feel like a fool when I hang up. How can I not? Every kid is going to have bad days and Nate is just like other kids, but lately he has been having more bad days at school and it reflects poorly on me as his mother.

The call I got last week was that Nate refused to sit during circle time and he kept getting up. Now picture a room of 4-year olds with one that keeps getting up, running around and not listening. It distracts the other kids and annoys the hell out of the teacher. Lunch time comes around and he refuses to sit in his seat again. When he is told 3 times to sit down he clenches his fists, stamps his feet, starts to cry and yells at the teacher. Lovely right? I’m blushing just thinking about it.

This one day wouldn’t be a problem but this has become more of the norm since November. Nate has been having some emotional issues since we came back home after the hurricane. He refuses to sleep in his bed at night, is very emotional (crying or angry and yelling) and clingy with me especially. He almost wasn’t invited to his best friend’s birthday party this past weekend because he was crying too much at school and Jason didn’t want to be his friend anymore! I felt terrible when I heard that but I understood where the kid was coming from. No one wants to be friends with a cry baby.

I spoke to Nate’s teacher and we decided to start with a sticker chart at home for specific things he needed to work on. I found a site with super hero reward charts (so exciting!) and we were off to a great start. Every day Nate had 5 things to work on and if he got stickers for all 5 he could have a piece of candy after dinner. He loved getting stickers for getting dressed in the morning, being good at school, eating his lunch, going potty and wiping and washing hands and brushing teeth. Every week we switched it up a little depending on the previous week. Then the holidays came…

Every year for an entire month my whole life is a nightmare and this year was no different. All bets are off, there is no schedule, we eat whatever is convenient and I hope for the best. I realize now that Nate needs a schedule and I wasn’t doing him any favors by being off so much because he became even more clingy. Ugh. Back to square one.

Yesterday I had another dreaded call…with the special education department for Pre-K. I had to bite the bullet and schedule a time to go in and fill out the paperwork so I can have Nate evaluated. He doesn’t want to talk to me when he has a bad day, he won’t look you in the eye and he cries if he thinks you’ll be mad at him. I’m at a loss for how to make this better so I figured I may as well call in the professionals. God help me.

Can I get a little help?

In the healthcare industry customer service is HUGE. Unhappy patients mean low HCAP scores which mean lower reimbursement rates. Word of mouth is what makes hospitals their money because when you have a choice of which hospital to go to you are most definitely picking the one that you hear positive things about. Have you ever heard someone say, “I heard that hospital is awful so that’s where I’m having my surgery!”? Of course not and that is why there are people who teach customer service to employees of large businesses.

I happen to be someone who is not really a people person but I am also smart enough to know that my job is based on being friendly and accommodating with donors and I think I handle myself quite well.  I also know myself well enough that I got out of retail at the first job offer I had after college. I only worked retail seasonally while I was in college and I actually liked my job and my co-workers…but I HATED customers. I consider myself a good customer so I did not like people messing up the clothes and being rude. I preferred to work on the deliveries and clean the stock room but I was very accommodating when people needed help.

Which brings me to my point for the day…I really despise going into a store and not being able to get help. There should be someone working the floor at all times in case you need a size or you are looking for something specific and you can’t find it. In the age of texting and emails people are no longer looking to interact with real people. When I go to CVS or the grocery store I have the option of self checkout. Now don’t get me wrong I am loving self checkout because I hate lines and I usually only have a few things. Unfortunately there are times when I need some help and I can never get any.

For example, I usually pick up groceries before work because I drop Nate at school at 8am and I still have 20 minutes to kill on a normal day. When I get to Stop & Shop there is not one cashier available but there are 6 self checkouts. Normally this isn’t a problem because I only get a limited amount of groceries. If I have a day off however I will pick up a lot more groceries and that is when I want a REAL cashier to help with my groceries. Is that asking too much? I remember the days that you got a cashier and a bagger! The self checkout area is usually limited to a few bags and if I am getting a shitload of groceries it is just a pain so I prefer a conveyer belt and a live person.

CVS is a whole different story. The Southampton store added self checkout and they no longer have a person at the register. I don’t want to sound ageist but people over a certain age do not get the self checkout. If I run in to get something quick I do not want to be stuck behind the older person who has no idea how to scan a coupon or use their credit card. I honestly don’t think it should be a problem to have one cashier at a store. I’m all for technology but sometimes a personal touch is necessary.

P.S. I have been trying to upload a picture but it's not working...and it is stressing me out so you have to deal with the blurry one!

Mother of the Year

I was chatting with one of my friends from college this morning and she told me that her parents are staying with her. She was saying that she really needs a break and I wondered how long they were there. I let out an audible gasp when she said 3 weeks! I love my parents but as an adult I have no desire to live under the same roof. When I had to stay there last year after the hurricane for 9 days I was going crazy. When you live with someone for any short period of time it is like they are invading your space or vice versa.

My mother has been watching Nate since I had to go back to work when he was 11 weeks old. In the last 4 years he has become quite attached to his Grammie and she misses him when she has a day “off”. Nate sees it as a normal day and I see it as having to have my house clean at all times. My mother is having surgery next month and I am looking forward to not having a clean house. That may sound weird, but having floors that you can eat off of at all times is exhausting. When I come home from work I want to spend time with Nate and Love and not worry about doing the dishes and dusting. I want to put Nate to bed and relax in bed with a book or magazine. Spend an hour watching Revenge and not being stressed about folding the laundry. I also don’t want my weekends bogged down with chores while Nate plays and Love relaxes. I want to not feel stressed about running errands or visiting friends because it is cutting into the time I have left to clean and hopefully relax for an hour or so Sunday night.

I was so relieved when Tara said that her mother is obsessed with laundry (even doing it on Christmas!) and keeps rearranging her kitchen. My mother is obsessed with my dishes. She cannot stand anything in my sink but I normally do the dishes after dinner and anything after that sits in the sink until I am making dinner the next night. She insists on hand washing everything even though I have a dishwasher and it drives me nuts. She also puts things away and then I can’t find them because they are in the wrong drawer or cabinet. I rearranged my kitchen counters before the holidays and my mother told me she was so glad I did because you can see them from my living room and it was a mess. My counters are always clean but she didn’t like where I had things and now she thinks it’s much better. So do I, but I would never tell someone their counters are a mess…okay so I told her that hers are a disaster after she said that to me…but it’s true and she admitted it because she does have crap all over.

Tara and I agree that it’s nice to have help with the kids but instead of paying someone to watch them you pay the price by having your nosy parent watch them. I am not Suzie homemaker and I fully admit it. I also have no desire to be the perfect housekeeper or mother of the year. I have a full-time job that takes a lot out of me and come home to a second one. I’m doing the best I can and although I’m not perfect I think we do okay…and so does my family and that’s all that really matters.

ShopRite Can Can Sale

My Grandmother passed away January 15, 1999 and it is a day that I will never forget. It’s one of those days that I can remember small details that normally you wouldn’t remember a few hours after they happened and most certainly not 14 years later.

My Grandmother was a bit of a hoarder. Not a hoarder like you see on TLC or A&E, so I suppose she would be considered a classic pack rat. She had several rooms in her house that were chock full of items that she couldn’t bear to get rid of. She lived in a split-level ranch and my Mother’s old bedroom downstairs was where she kept her stockpile. Now that I think of it, maybe she was more like those crazy coupon ladies on TLC than a hoarder. If there was a sale on non-perishable items my Grandmother was there and she was loading up.

There was nothing my Grandmother loved more than the ShopRite Can Can sale. It was the closest supermarket to her house and she would buy her beloved tuna fish and soup as if the world was ending tomorrow. She had metal shelving like most people keep in their garages and it was filled with cans. I was always amazed by the amount of stuff that she had because my mother was not into stockpiling food like that and we had four mouths to feed and she only had one. Of course she cooked for her two dogs J.D. and Tasha like they were her children. I swear those dogs ate better than I do on most days.

On the day that she died I left work and rushed to the hospital but didn’t have a chance to see her before she passed. It was late when we left the hospital and we had to pick up her car. My Dad offered to go with my uncle to pick it up and that’s when I realized that my Grandmother died doing what she loved…her car was at ShopRite…and the Can Can sale was in full swing. We laughed when they returned to her house with the car and they opened the trunk. She had managed to get all of the groceries into the car before she got sick and an ambulance was called. My Grandmother was a tough lady and she died after stuffing her truck full of tuna fish, soup, vegetables and dog food. The Can Can sale began today and it made me smile…and I know that she is somewhere smiling too.

Sayonara 2012

It is officially 2013 and I am hoping that it is a better year than 2012. I have said that every January since 2010 so I don’t have high hopes, but one can dream. The end of 2012 was actually pretty good so I feel some momentum going into the new year that will bring along good vibes…if only it were that easy.

Putting away the Christmas decorations this year made me sad but not in the same way it normally does. I always feel like there’s so much build up to Christmas and then it just blows by with not enough time to spend with my family. This year we had more time with family but it still went too fast. I took Sunday to clean up the decorations early and get the house in order so I could relax on New Years Day. It was a good plan even though I would have loved to sit by the tree for a couple of extra nights before saying goodbye.

This year was special because Nate really understood Christmas and we had a lot of chats about different things that he is now starting to understand. It was the first year we discussed the Nativity and the birth of the baby Jesus. I even recorded the conversation on my phone because it was really cute. My mother has been trying to guilt me into taking him to church but I’m not quite ready for that but I still thought that he should know about the real meaning of Christmas. He gets the retail version of Christmas but I grew up with the Nativity and I think he should too even if it’s the Peanuts version for now anyway).

Christmas morning was a flurry of wrapping paper and super heroes before I even finished my coffee. I felt like screaming, “Do you know how many hours I spent wrapping all of those presents?” but I just sat back and took pictures. I was very impressed with how excited Nate was with each new toy and that his excitement also carried over to my presents. He ran over and helped me open them and made sure I liked each of them before heading back to his toys. He really is a sweet kid (I mean he is MY kid) and the look of joy on his face was the best. Christmas was special when he was a baby but now it is even more fun. From decorating the tree to opening presents the look of wonder on a kids face is something that you never get tired of. I will certainly miss it when he is a cranky teenager.

I’m starting the year off with plans to use one of my Christmas presents regularly. Love bought me a new camera since I stopped using my old one when I got the iPhone. I always complain about getting the pictures off of my phone so Love got me a nice camera that I cannot wait to use. In the last week I have already taken over 250 pictures and I’m looking forward to taking some pretty outdoor photos soon. I’m sure Nate will appreciate me taking photos of nature instead of having the camera in his face all the time.

 Nate and the Nativity

 Nate with his cousins opening presents

 Charlie loved all the wrapping paper

 Christmas Eve with Daddy

 Putting out the reindeer food

 Santa Came!

 Casual Nate :)

George Elf

I realized that I was going to post pictures from the adventures of our Elf on a Shelf and I never did. I curse the person who invented that fucking elf but it did help keep Nate in line so I should be thankful...but I'm not because it's a pain in the ass to move that God damned thing every night. Ask any parent who was dumb enough to buy one and they will agree.

George's first appearance of 2012 was tame

Love had him dangle from the kitchen ceiling fan

He took a ride in Nate's firetruck...

and one of his pirate ships

Dangling from my bedroom ceiling fan

Head first into the M&M's

Hangin' with Jessie and Woodys

Breakfast anyone?

Nate said he should play with my makeup...

I thought he should get drunk with Jessie and put on a tiara and makeup

 George Elf misses the Olympics

 Here's Georgey!

 Firing squad Elf style

 George misses Santa

 Stuck in the tree

 Dressed as Santa for company

 Continuing the Santa routine

His not so subtle way of telling Mickey to shut up

I think I may plan ahead next year and look for small props throughout the year that I can use...or I may just say he got lost on his way back from the North Pole.