Today was probably the hardest day for me as a mommy so far. No parent likes to see their child upset and seeing my baby crying and running in fear was horrible. Nate is fine now, but today was a day that I thought wouldn't come until his teenage years. Let's start at the beginning...
Last Friday Love took Nate for his annual dental checkup. I was at work and I've taken him the last 3 years so I figured Love could handle it because they don't do much when they are this little. I couldn't have been more wrong. Love doesn't do well when Nate gets upset. I got a frantic call from him that the dentist was horrible, Nate was so upset and that he has 4 cavities and I needed to make an appointment to bring him back because he refused...and Nate was so upset they would only do it with gas. I told him to man up and immediately called to schedule his visit for the fillings.
Now, if you were to meet my husband on the street you would never imagine that he is the wuss that he actually is. I am the man in the relationship because he refuses to stand up to anyone or take any initiative anything. If something needs to get done than it is all on me. Which of course is very stressful for some things...like this. I am 6 months pregnant and the last thing I want to do is wrestle an almost 5-year old into a dental chair. I also wasn't thrilled to have to take another day off of work to do it when I am ridiculously busy and I was only promoted 3 days ago.
Nate had been asking a lot of questions leading up to today about getting his teeth drilled and the clown mask they would use. I was as honest as possible while also comforting him and reassuring him that the clown mask would help him not feel any pain. He seemed okay until we woke up this morning. He brushed his teeth right away (he is suddenly obsessed with brushing) and then kept saying he didn't need his cavities filled today. I knew it was going to be a rough morning. I had a conference call at 10am so Love got him dressed and we left just before the appointment.
As soon as we got there he started complaining about not wanting to be there. Every time the door opened and they called someone in he sighed and said he was glad it wasn't his turn...and then it was and he burst into tears immediately. Three lovely young ladies greeted us and they tried to calm him down. He remembered them from last week and walked to the room with them. They showed him how to get into the chair and he started to get the clown mask. They told him what he needed to do and he got increasingly agitated and started yelling. I got him into the chair and started to calm him down but then the dentist came in and it all went downhill. He was a little too firm with Nate on that he needed to be lying down with the mask on NOW. Nate burst into tears and jumped out of the chair and the dentist told us to take him back outside.
In the waiting room I assured Nate that he just needed to lie down in the chair and put the silly mask on and that they were just going to clean his teeth really good but he needed to be good and still. He calmed down and kept repeating what we were telling him. The girls were really good because they kept saying they would just squirt water in his mouth and clean out the cavities. When they called us back in they had put down a board on the chair that they were going to strap him on to. I knew he would freak out if they tried that and he just told them that he didn't need it and he would lay down.
I was so proud because as scared as he was he got right up on the chair and laid down and let them put the gas mask on him. Luckily he has been on a nebulizer since he was 6 months old so the mask didn't scare him. He complained it was uncomfortable and he wouldn't shut up. They told us he needed to be quiet and breathe deep so I stroked his arm and hair and helped calm him down. All of a sudden he started laughing. He was talking nonsense and the girls told the dentist they thought he was ready to go. I have never had gas before but if I ever need it I am going for it. I took video of him once the dentist started and he is giggling saying it tickles while getting the novacaine! He started to get a little panicky during the last 10 minutes because he felt it was taking too long. We kept assuring him it was almost over and he made it through!
After he told us it was no big deal getting his teeth drilled. Even though we all lied to him he knew what the dentist was really doing and I am so amazed with him. He is way too smart and that causes a lot of problems in situations like this because he knows what is going to happen. I have always hated the dentist so I honestly can relate to him being so scared. I dread going for cleanings yet I have no fear about childbirth. Crazy I know but it's a childhood fear that never left. I can still remember exactly what the dental office I went to as a kid looked like and what it smelled like and I will never forget. I'm so glad that it is all over and we took a 2 hour nap this afternoon to recover from it all. Now he's all better and can't wait until his brother gets his first cavity. Oy.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Thursday, June 20, 2013
19 Weeks and Crying
I don’t remember being a total emotional mess when I was pregnant with Nate. I was scatter-brained and could hardly talk because I was always grasping for the word that was just on the tip of my tongue…this time around I am a big fat mess. Nate’s Pre-K graduation was last Friday and I took tissues with me knowing I would cry. Luckily his friend’s mom had been crying all day so I didn’t feel too terrible and when we began crying at the same time and I was able to offer her a tissue I felt a little better. Something about seeing these little kids dressed in their caps and gowns singing a cute song really got to me. I was also sad because it makes me think about him starting kindergarten and I hope that he will be back on track with his emotional issues.
Knowing how easily I cry (driving to work I hear ANY song and just start tearing up) I made the terrible mistake of watching I’m Having Their Baby. In case you have never heard of it, it’s a reality show on the WE network and it follows pregnant woman in their 3rd trimester as they struggle with their decision to give their unborn children up for adoption. If I wasn’t pregnant I would cry while watching this but now I bawl as I watch it. I sit in bed and do the ugly cry while these women sign away their rights to their tiny little babies in the bassinet beside them. The thing that really gets me is that most of the episodes I have seen involve women who already have children and the fathers are sometimes even still in the picture yet they realize they cannot afford to keep the child. Now you can argue that they shouldn’t have gotten themselves in the situation to begin with, but I cannot imagine carrying a child for 9 months knowing that I would have to give that baby away, and I commend them for knowing that the child can have a better life with someone else. I want to cry just thinking about it. Damn!
My forgetfulness is becoming a joke around my office. I stammer and stutter trying to come up with the word I am trying to say and the ladies think it’s hysterical that I am losing my mind. I am well known around the office for my elephant like memory so when I begin to forget things in general and can’t even talk they know it’s bad. This kid is sucking the life out of me. Of course this time around I know that I will bounce back to my old self in time once this little boy is born. Last time I was afraid that “mommy brain” was a debilitating disease that would never end. Now I know that it never really goes away and the cause is major exhaustion from lack of sleep for YEARS but it does get better. Nate has been sleeping in his bed for quite some time now…just in time for this little one to keep me up all night…
Knowing how easily I cry (driving to work I hear ANY song and just start tearing up) I made the terrible mistake of watching I’m Having Their Baby. In case you have never heard of it, it’s a reality show on the WE network and it follows pregnant woman in their 3rd trimester as they struggle with their decision to give their unborn children up for adoption. If I wasn’t pregnant I would cry while watching this but now I bawl as I watch it. I sit in bed and do the ugly cry while these women sign away their rights to their tiny little babies in the bassinet beside them. The thing that really gets me is that most of the episodes I have seen involve women who already have children and the fathers are sometimes even still in the picture yet they realize they cannot afford to keep the child. Now you can argue that they shouldn’t have gotten themselves in the situation to begin with, but I cannot imagine carrying a child for 9 months knowing that I would have to give that baby away, and I commend them for knowing that the child can have a better life with someone else. I want to cry just thinking about it. Damn!
My forgetfulness is becoming a joke around my office. I stammer and stutter trying to come up with the word I am trying to say and the ladies think it’s hysterical that I am losing my mind. I am well known around the office for my elephant like memory so when I begin to forget things in general and can’t even talk they know it’s bad. This kid is sucking the life out of me. Of course this time around I know that I will bounce back to my old self in time once this little boy is born. Last time I was afraid that “mommy brain” was a debilitating disease that would never end. Now I know that it never really goes away and the cause is major exhaustion from lack of sleep for YEARS but it does get better. Nate has been sleeping in his bed for quite some time now…just in time for this little one to keep me up all night…
Friday, June 7, 2013
Morning Madness
Let me start by saying that I have enough trouble getting myself out of bed in the morning. I am not and probably never will be a morning person. If I am awake at 6am then I need a nap at 2pm or I will be fast asleep at 8pm for the night. My wonderful husband has always been a morning person and I always hated him for it. Why couldn’t he be a night owl like me? Every time we went somewhere after 7pm he would be ready to leave by 10pm while I wanted to stay out until 2am. Then we had a child.
When Nate was first born I adjusted (very grudgingly) to getting up early to feed him until I went back to work and Love and I agreed I would take the 10pm feeding and put him to bed and Love would do the 5am feeding and put him back down. This worked like a charm, I could get up just before 7am, shower and get ready with just enough time to wake Nate, get him dressed and get to daycare. He has always eaten breakfast at daycare so my mornings have basically stayed the same for the last 5 years.
Nate recently began sleeping through the night in his new bed (which is a blessing) and with the new addition of a TV in his room he rises with no complaints (at 6:15), turns on the TV and hangs out until my alarm goes off a half hour later. As soon as he hears me attempting to get out of bed (which is becoming increasingly harder these days) he pounces on me. He likes to start my day by giving the baby a big hug and I have to fend him off to rush to the bathroom because this kid that is the size of an avocado must live on my bladder. He heads back to his room while I shower.
Once I get out of the shower the real fun begins. Nate fires off question after question about anything that comes to mind…while I am still half asleep and have to ask him over and over to repeat himself because the bathroom exhaust fan is on. He will usually play on the iPad for a little while and then get himself dressed before coming at me with more questions while I struggle to blow dry my hair and pick out clothes. Once I am almost finished I ask him to get on shoes and tell me what he wants for lunch. This can turn into a whiny 10 minute argument so I give him all of his options and hope one sounds appealing. You are probably wondering why we don’t make lunch the night before like most busy parents…because my child is like his daddy and he changes his mind as the wind sways…and I am not a fan of preparing lunch twice for a 4-year old. Lunch box packed I throw it in his backpack, grab my bag and put on shoes and we head off to school. Today we added in the whining about having to wear a rain coat.
I long for the days of simplicity on days like today but I also take comfort knowing that I am not alone. I am one of millions of working moms struggling to get her kid and herself out the door in the morning and hopefully get to work on time. I will also be doubling the insanity later this year with the addition of this baby…I’m not a religious woman but God help me.
When Nate was first born I adjusted (very grudgingly) to getting up early to feed him until I went back to work and Love and I agreed I would take the 10pm feeding and put him to bed and Love would do the 5am feeding and put him back down. This worked like a charm, I could get up just before 7am, shower and get ready with just enough time to wake Nate, get him dressed and get to daycare. He has always eaten breakfast at daycare so my mornings have basically stayed the same for the last 5 years.
Nate recently began sleeping through the night in his new bed (which is a blessing) and with the new addition of a TV in his room he rises with no complaints (at 6:15), turns on the TV and hangs out until my alarm goes off a half hour later. As soon as he hears me attempting to get out of bed (which is becoming increasingly harder these days) he pounces on me. He likes to start my day by giving the baby a big hug and I have to fend him off to rush to the bathroom because this kid that is the size of an avocado must live on my bladder. He heads back to his room while I shower.
Once I get out of the shower the real fun begins. Nate fires off question after question about anything that comes to mind…while I am still half asleep and have to ask him over and over to repeat himself because the bathroom exhaust fan is on. He will usually play on the iPad for a little while and then get himself dressed before coming at me with more questions while I struggle to blow dry my hair and pick out clothes. Once I am almost finished I ask him to get on shoes and tell me what he wants for lunch. This can turn into a whiny 10 minute argument so I give him all of his options and hope one sounds appealing. You are probably wondering why we don’t make lunch the night before like most busy parents…because my child is like his daddy and he changes his mind as the wind sways…and I am not a fan of preparing lunch twice for a 4-year old. Lunch box packed I throw it in his backpack, grab my bag and put on shoes and we head off to school. Today we added in the whining about having to wear a rain coat.
I long for the days of simplicity on days like today but I also take comfort knowing that I am not alone. I am one of millions of working moms struggling to get her kid and herself out the door in the morning and hopefully get to work on time. I will also be doubling the insanity later this year with the addition of this baby…I’m not a religious woman but God help me.
Friday, May 31, 2013
16 Weeks and Counting…
Work bathroom shot...don't mind the stuff on the floor...
I feel like I have been pregnant for a year already. I’m not even exaggerating when I say that. Knowing so early that you’re pregnant makes it drag out for so much longer. Yesterday someone asked how I was doing and they said I looked great and that it’s almost over…then I told them I have 24 weeks left and they looked horrified. Yup, I’m going to be pregnant forever.
Today I had my 16 week checkup and it was the quickest appointment ever. I wish they all could be like that. I was in the waiting room for 2 minutes and got called back to give a urine sample. I had been in the car for over an hour so I was happy to provide it. Then the nurse took my blood pressure and a vial of blood. I’m used to the routine and I know that they need a urine and blood sample every visit…such fun. The nurse took me to my exam room, weighed me (I have not gained anything so far – yay!) and the doctor came right in. We listened to the heartbeat he answered a couple of my questions and I was done. I love efficiency!
So baby Larry (as I now affectionately call him) is doing well and his heartbeat sounds great. I go back in 2 weeks for my anatomy sonogram and 2 weeks after that for my 20 week check. I can’t wait to get to 20 weeks and finally know that I am halfway there. Now it’s time to start cleaning out the last of the odds and ends from the nursery and get going on the remodeling for baby boy. This is the fun part!
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
It's a BOY!
I got the call from the doctor Monday that my Materni21 tests were negative (what a relief!) and that I’m having another BOY! I happened to be at home when I got the call because Nate was sick so as soon as I hung up Love and Nate were waiting for the news. When I told them it’s a boy they both started jumping up and down…and I felt a little sad. Then a minute later Nate started to cry as if he knew that I was sad, but he admitted that he really wanted a sister. I felt terrible for him and I let him know that it’s okay to feel sad that it’s a boy and not a girl and that he can talk about it and no one will be mad at him. I mean how could I not tell the kid that when for a moment I felt the same way?
Nate is a thinker so as the news set in he had some questions and things he needed to tell me. First he said that we could just have another baby which would be a girl. When I told him that this is the last baby I am having he thought about it. He then said that maybe this baby could have 2 heads so it could be a boy and a girl. I explained that the baby only has one head and it will just be a boy. He stopped throwing out solutions but just as he was about to fall asleep he turned to me and said, "So who told you it's going to be a boy?" The kid doesn't even trust me at this point!
When I was pregnant with Nate I swore from day 1 that he was a boy and I was so happy when I gave birth and heard them confirm what I had been feeling. After adjusting to life with a baby I realized that I really liked having a boy and I didn’t think I would even want a girl. Sure, girl’s clothes are cuter and I love the thought of dressing one up in cute outfits. At the same time though I was never a girly girl and I wondered if I would enjoy life more with 2 boys. When my friends and family told me about how difficult their girls were I felt like I would never be able to handle a demanding girl…and then Nate became a demanding boy.
When I found out I was pregnant this time I felt like maybe a girl wouldn’t be so bad and I even picked out a pretty lavender to paint the nursery. The room is already blue so I figured we would only have to paint if the baby was a girl. So now I just need to finish cleaning out the room and clean the walls before we start to move in the nursery furniture. This weekend I should be getting rid of the treadmill and the dresser that is currently in there so I can begin the transformation from office to baby room. I’m reusing everything from Nate so I really only need to coordinate more to the blue walls instead of the green walls that Nate has. It’s finally feeling more real and I think that Nate and I will have fun getting a few new things for the baby.
Nate is a thinker so as the news set in he had some questions and things he needed to tell me. First he said that we could just have another baby which would be a girl. When I told him that this is the last baby I am having he thought about it. He then said that maybe this baby could have 2 heads so it could be a boy and a girl. I explained that the baby only has one head and it will just be a boy. He stopped throwing out solutions but just as he was about to fall asleep he turned to me and said, "So who told you it's going to be a boy?" The kid doesn't even trust me at this point!
When I was pregnant with Nate I swore from day 1 that he was a boy and I was so happy when I gave birth and heard them confirm what I had been feeling. After adjusting to life with a baby I realized that I really liked having a boy and I didn’t think I would even want a girl. Sure, girl’s clothes are cuter and I love the thought of dressing one up in cute outfits. At the same time though I was never a girly girl and I wondered if I would enjoy life more with 2 boys. When my friends and family told me about how difficult their girls were I felt like I would never be able to handle a demanding girl…and then Nate became a demanding boy.
When I found out I was pregnant this time I felt like maybe a girl wouldn’t be so bad and I even picked out a pretty lavender to paint the nursery. The room is already blue so I figured we would only have to paint if the baby was a girl. So now I just need to finish cleaning out the room and clean the walls before we start to move in the nursery furniture. This weekend I should be getting rid of the treadmill and the dresser that is currently in there so I can begin the transformation from office to baby room. I’m reusing everything from Nate so I really only need to coordinate more to the blue walls instead of the green walls that Nate has. It’s finally feeling more real and I think that Nate and I will have fun getting a few new things for the baby.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Pregnant Pause
Our Newest Little Peanut!
The title is actually a daily occurrence in my life. I have no problems walking a few miles at lunch on a nice day or getting on the elliptical for 45 minutes and catching up on some TV but if I climb a few steps or walk down the hall I am out of breathe. This had made my daily routine a little more difficult and I wonder how I’ll be feeling in a few months when its 90 degrees outside. I started showing at 6 weeks but this morning I put on a new dress I picked up over the weekend and Nate put his hands on my belly and said, “I think the baby is bigger today”. I certainly feel that way but I thought he would have made this observation yesterday when he kept pulling my tank top down to cover my belly which kept popping out as I was doing laundry and cleaning up. Yesterday I wasn’t wearing maternity clothes at all and I realized that will not have to come to an end even if it’s just around my house.
Everyone keeps asking if I’m having twins but I have now had 3 sonograms and we heard only one heartbeat on Friday. I had to remind my co-workers that I was HUGE when I was pregnant with Nate and he was less than 6 pounds when he was born. I was told recently that my body was made for birthing babies and I suppose it’s true. I had Nate after only 8 hours of labor and it wasn’t a bad experience at all. I had someone ask me if I was scared to have another baby and I said I honestly was only scared of giving birth with Nate and since that was relatively easy I’m not even worried about that this time.
I’m rethinking my hospital experience after watching “The Business of Being Born” recently. I’m still having this baby at the hospital but I have been seriously thinking about having a midwife present. My OB practice gives you the option so I think I am going to check into it a little more and see if I feel comfortable. It seems like they are more present at the birth than the doctor. I’m keeping my options open this time around and I’m going to watch “More Business of Being Born” to get some more info.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Good News!
April has been a really long month and I honestly will be glad to be done with it. It’s been crazy busy and I’ve been feeling very stressed. We’re finally back to our normal schedule with work and my mom but I’m still feeling a little in limbo. I’m hoping May brings good things!
Now don’t get me wrong the last couple of months have had their exciting points and I will now get to that good news…
#1 We’re having a baby!!! It’s a little confusing and hard to explain but basically I went to have my blood drawn too early which produced a negative result so I am now 11 weeks pregnant! I started showing at 6 weeks so I feel like I have been pregnant for about 6 months even though Thursday will be only 3 months. I’m already getting excited to find out if it’s a boy or girl because I have an obsessive need for order in my life and I want to finish cleaning out the room, get it painted and get it all set. Then I can enjoy the last 5 months of this journey knowing we are as ready as we’ll ever be for a new baby to come home.
#2 I have been offered a promotion at work! Not as exciting as #1 I know but it’s still pretty great. I was honestly thinking that the pregnancy would put a hold on things but it had the opposite effect due to my request for a longer maternity leave than the standard 12 weeks. I was smart enough to plan ahead for this one and I invested in short term disability so I can bring in some extra income while I am on leave. I figure that I’m not having any more kids and Nate will be at school all day so I will get some quality time with this peanut at the beginning at least. I’ll also get in some extra time with Len and Nate which will be really good for our family.
#3 Due to my “advanced” maternal age I had the option of amniocentesis or a new MaterniTY21 blood test. I am deathly afraid of the amnio so I chose the much easier and much safer blood work. Insurance doesn’t always cover it but I refuse to do the amnio which has a 1 in 200 to 1 in 400 rate of miscarriage. I worked too hard for this kid to have something happen and its well worth the $200. I was scheduled for next week but got bumped to this Friday and not only will the test tell us if the baby is healthy it will also tell us the sex! I thought I was going to have to wait until my 20 week sonogram…sometimes being old has its benefits! The waiting time for the results will suck but it will be great to know so early.
Spring is here and I am ready…bring it on!
Now don’t get me wrong the last couple of months have had their exciting points and I will now get to that good news…
#1 We’re having a baby!!! It’s a little confusing and hard to explain but basically I went to have my blood drawn too early which produced a negative result so I am now 11 weeks pregnant! I started showing at 6 weeks so I feel like I have been pregnant for about 6 months even though Thursday will be only 3 months. I’m already getting excited to find out if it’s a boy or girl because I have an obsessive need for order in my life and I want to finish cleaning out the room, get it painted and get it all set. Then I can enjoy the last 5 months of this journey knowing we are as ready as we’ll ever be for a new baby to come home.
#2 I have been offered a promotion at work! Not as exciting as #1 I know but it’s still pretty great. I was honestly thinking that the pregnancy would put a hold on things but it had the opposite effect due to my request for a longer maternity leave than the standard 12 weeks. I was smart enough to plan ahead for this one and I invested in short term disability so I can bring in some extra income while I am on leave. I figure that I’m not having any more kids and Nate will be at school all day so I will get some quality time with this peanut at the beginning at least. I’ll also get in some extra time with Len and Nate which will be really good for our family.
#3 Due to my “advanced” maternal age I had the option of amniocentesis or a new MaterniTY21 blood test. I am deathly afraid of the amnio so I chose the much easier and much safer blood work. Insurance doesn’t always cover it but I refuse to do the amnio which has a 1 in 200 to 1 in 400 rate of miscarriage. I worked too hard for this kid to have something happen and its well worth the $200. I was scheduled for next week but got bumped to this Friday and not only will the test tell us if the baby is healthy it will also tell us the sex! I thought I was going to have to wait until my 20 week sonogram…sometimes being old has its benefits! The waiting time for the results will suck but it will be great to know so early.
Spring is here and I am ready…bring it on!
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Move That Bus!
I have to rant a little bit today because every day this week I have been early and since that never happens in the morning it is a real achievement. Don’t get me wrong I am never late to work (I’m actually always a few minutes early) but I don’t normally have too much free time on my drive in. Which is what has made the last few days so annoying…
My commute to work is roughly 45 minutes so if I drop Nate off a little early and I have no errands to run (gas, coffee and a bagel, groceries, etc.) I can get to work about 15 minutes early. Except for days that I get stuck behind the dreaded school bus. You know the one that stops at EVERY SINGLE HOUSE on a block. Is this honestly necessary? I got stuck on an empty street for 5 houses in a row and every child was outside with a parent. This cannot possibly be a safety matter and I would love to know the reasoning behind it.
I have also noticed in my neighborhood buses stopping and children coming out of their houses to get on the bus tying up traffic in both directions. Parents also need to curb their conversations with the bus drivers. I actually changed my route to work to avoid a certain street where I would get stuck every morning for 5 minutes while the mom’s in jammies bullshitted with the bus driver. Listen ladies, just because you have no job to get to, it does not mean that you should be inconveniencing those of us who do.
Of course this all comes down to the way things were in the 80’s when I took the bus to school. Every morning we would gather on the corner with our parents and wait for the bus. I grew up in a corner house so I didn’t have far to walk but some of the other kids had to walk 10 houses! And they survived! This country is in the middle of a childhood obesity epidemic and this is one more thing that factors in. We coddle our kids way too much and they are literally getting soft. Nate starts kindergarten in September and I plan on him walking to the corner (3 houses in either direction depending on the route) because it’s ridiculous not to.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Employee of the Quarter
I was surprised this morning in my office by two ladies from our Employee Relations Team. They showed up unexpected and asked to speak to me because they had news to share. They presented me with a letter from the CEO of the Hospital congratulating me on receiving the honor of Employee of the Quarter! I was surprised and a little embarrassed and very pleased that my co-workers were nice enough to nominate me. The ladies even said when the CEO was signing my letter that he told them it is “well deserved”. After almost 10 years of working here I must say that it feels good to be recognized as a valued employee…even if it is only by those closest to me.
The more exciting part of the honor is the things that come with being the employee of the quarter. I get a luncheon thrown in my honor where I choose the invitees, they present me with an award and flowers and I even get a parking spot! Of course since I don’t work in the Hospital I will use the spot for when I actually drive over there and my lucky husband can use it when he comes in to work.
It honestly is an honor that my co-workers would nominate me and they always tell me how great I am. I take it with a grain of salt because who agrees with something like that first of all and I am just coming to work each day and doing the job I have been hired for. Have I taken on more and more over the years? Of course I have. Anyone with a good work ethic would do the same and I was raised to give my all each day. It’s part of who I am and I can’t imagine not doing a good job at work. It’s an exciting day!
The more exciting part of the honor is the things that come with being the employee of the quarter. I get a luncheon thrown in my honor where I choose the invitees, they present me with an award and flowers and I even get a parking spot! Of course since I don’t work in the Hospital I will use the spot for when I actually drive over there and my lucky husband can use it when he comes in to work.
It honestly is an honor that my co-workers would nominate me and they always tell me how great I am. I take it with a grain of salt because who agrees with something like that first of all and I am just coming to work each day and doing the job I have been hired for. Have I taken on more and more over the years? Of course I have. Anyone with a good work ethic would do the same and I was raised to give my all each day. It’s part of who I am and I can’t imagine not doing a good job at work. It’s an exciting day!
Monday, March 18, 2013
The Contest
I have a co-worker who keeps badgering me (in a good way) to become a stand up comedian. I shoo her out of my office constantly as she leaves articles about comedy shows and female comedians on my desk. Whenever I tell a story she interrupts me half way through and tells me I need to add it to my “act”. She’s not giving up anytime soon so as long as I have to work with her I will continue to tolerate her. Sometimes I wonder if she just wants me to quit and try something new…which is actually not such a bad idea…
A couple of weeks ago I took Nate to Staples (because who doesn’t love browsing office supplies?) and I found a cute notebook. I had decided that if I was going to let Marsha enter my brain even a little than I had to break down and start taking notes. I get a lot of ideas while driving which is a real pain so I usually email myself the topic really quick or will use voice memo to record a quick rant. I hate listening to my voice so the latter is really torture for me. I find it amusing because other people seem to like my voice. I am the “lady” on the voicemail for my office and the hospital and in a couple of days I am recording something for a radio commercial. I guess I should embrace the voice I was given and forge ahead with my new career!
Marsha keeps telling me to go to local comedy clubs and write material and go to an open mic night. She had no idea that I have stage fright. I still can’t believe I danced in a 5th grade talent show…thankfully video cameras weren’t popular back then. I have been writing and I have been open to maybe one day doing something that people may see. Saturday morning I was flipping through the channels and a commercial came on for “Joan and Melissa” which I love. Joan Rivers is someone that I admire so much and if I could be fortunate enough to have a fraction of her talent I would die. At the end of the commercial there was a clip promoting a contest that they are running…
So, I grabbed a pen and wrote down “Joan Knows Comedy” and grabbed the iPad. Entries must be 90 seconds (no big deal right?) and have to be submitted by next month (good for procrastinators like me). I grabbed my notebook and started writing. I wrote about this crazy job I had before I got married. I think it’s funny and I did a test run and it was 90 seconds. Not so bad. After reading a little I decided to write some more. This time I changed to a pop culture/music theme. I like the material much better and have decided to tape myself. I’m going to go for it and hope to win a trip to NYC to meet Joan…now I just have to find a quiet spot and hide away like a criminal to tape myself!
A couple of weeks ago I took Nate to Staples (because who doesn’t love browsing office supplies?) and I found a cute notebook. I had decided that if I was going to let Marsha enter my brain even a little than I had to break down and start taking notes. I get a lot of ideas while driving which is a real pain so I usually email myself the topic really quick or will use voice memo to record a quick rant. I hate listening to my voice so the latter is really torture for me. I find it amusing because other people seem to like my voice. I am the “lady” on the voicemail for my office and the hospital and in a couple of days I am recording something for a radio commercial. I guess I should embrace the voice I was given and forge ahead with my new career!
Marsha keeps telling me to go to local comedy clubs and write material and go to an open mic night. She had no idea that I have stage fright. I still can’t believe I danced in a 5th grade talent show…thankfully video cameras weren’t popular back then. I have been writing and I have been open to maybe one day doing something that people may see. Saturday morning I was flipping through the channels and a commercial came on for “Joan and Melissa” which I love. Joan Rivers is someone that I admire so much and if I could be fortunate enough to have a fraction of her talent I would die. At the end of the commercial there was a clip promoting a contest that they are running…
So, I grabbed a pen and wrote down “Joan Knows Comedy” and grabbed the iPad. Entries must be 90 seconds (no big deal right?) and have to be submitted by next month (good for procrastinators like me). I grabbed my notebook and started writing. I wrote about this crazy job I had before I got married. I think it’s funny and I did a test run and it was 90 seconds. Not so bad. After reading a little I decided to write some more. This time I changed to a pop culture/music theme. I like the material much better and have decided to tape myself. I’m going to go for it and hope to win a trip to NYC to meet Joan…now I just have to find a quiet spot and hide away like a criminal to tape myself!
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
My Little Man
On a daily basis Nate makes me laugh, gets me angry and makes my heart melt. You just never know what is going to come out of the kid’s mouth and you really never know what kind of mood he’ll be in. My favorite side of him is the cuddly mama’s boy who wants hugs and kisses and says, “Mama, you are my first love”. How could you not want to cuddle all day in bed watching cartoons with that kid? I also love how smart he is and how he can tell me things about sea creatures that I would never know because he pays such close attention to the Octonauts. I love sitting at the kitchen table coloring with him, but only the pictures he tells me I can color. He is very particular about things.
I wish that Nate was a perfect little man all the time but I also realize that it’s not realistic. Kids are a pain in the ass sometimes but we still love them. He has his good and bad days and fights to get his way. I sometimes wonder if I feel like the bad outweighs the good sometimes because of the actual amount of time we get to spend together. He’s not going to be happy to see me at work after spending an hour in the car knowing that he has to get in my car and drive another hour to get back home. He’s not going to be happy when I tell him I can’t play because I need to cook dinner and clean up. He’s not going to like going to bed when he wants to watch one more show. He’s going to hate me when I wake him up at 6am and demand that he get dressed and tell me what he wants me to pack for his lunch. It would be easier if Love were there to balance it out but his work hours require us to each parent alone for a portion of the day. Love also gets some alone time at home which I do not have.
Basically it comes down to me wondering if all of Nate’s behavioral issues stem from my lack of quality time with him. Love takes him to the park and I have to fight with him to take a bath. No fair! Our lives have changed a lot since last fall and there are more changes to come. I just hope Nate can handle all of them. We have our meeting at the school next week to discuss their recommendations for Nate and I hope that we can get some help. I’m hoping for positive changes!
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Tough Times
I started to write this last week but I had to stop and I finally went back to it today…if I can help even one woman going through the same thing then it is worth sharing my pain…
2/28/13
I am having the most stressful morning that I have had in a very long time. I was up early, have a raging headache and can’t take my normal Excedrin to knock it out. I am waiting for the most important phone call that I have ever waited for and I’m not sure what my reaction will be when I do get the call. I am practically shaking and I am coming out of my skin!
Nine days ago I peed on a stick and found out I was ovulating and that set everything in motion. When you have fertility issues getting pregnant is not fun. For most couples getting pregnant requires having sex and peeing on a stick when you miss your period. For me and far too many other women it is a completely different experience. For us it is a stressful, painful and emotionally wrenching period in our lives, that if we are lucky produces a beautiful miracle baby. I am one of the lucky ones who were able to get pregnant and birth a very special little boy. Now I’m hoping for a second miracle.
My cell phone rang and I jumped when I saw the number. A co-worker was in my office so I asked her to close my door because I needed to take the call. I picked up and very calmly the doctor told me that he received my results and I didn’t ovulate. He continued that I needed to come in and see him for a Clomid check during my next period. He was very matter of fact and not at all comforting. It reminded me of how much I miss my doctor who helped me get pregnant with Nate. I hung up the phone and tears started to fall.
I had selfishly convinced myself that I was pregnant. How stupid of me to think that one IUI was going to do the trick. Had I forgotten the months that ticked by while trying to get pregnant 5 years ago? I texted Love because I was afraid of crying even harder. I needed to pull myself together so I could open my office door again before people started asking questions. Then Carry On by fun. came on the radio and I really lost it. I never really paid attention to the damn song before and the timing really sucked. I finally pulled myself together and prayed the next hour would go by quick.
The next hour was really bad and I had to keep distracting myself. I then walked over to the Hospital for my weekly massage. A week earlier I had to tell my masseuse that I had IUI because there are certain areas you need to be careful of even in the very early stages of pregnancy. I walked into the massage room and was greeted by her ear-to-ear grin which made me very upset. She was hoping for good news and I had to tell her. She assured me that it would still happen and she was very comforting (unlike the damn doctor ugh!) even telling me to let it all out as she worked her magic.
I am so glad that I got the call before my massage because it was such a freeing experience which is such a bizarre thing to say. I cried for a good 10 minutes and then was very calm and haven’t cried about it again since then. It was such a wonderful experience and it helped me to let go of the pain and move on. I am now prepared to start the next step in the process and am hopeful that someday soon I will be able to say that I am expecting miracle baby #2!
2/28/13
I am having the most stressful morning that I have had in a very long time. I was up early, have a raging headache and can’t take my normal Excedrin to knock it out. I am waiting for the most important phone call that I have ever waited for and I’m not sure what my reaction will be when I do get the call. I am practically shaking and I am coming out of my skin!
Nine days ago I peed on a stick and found out I was ovulating and that set everything in motion. When you have fertility issues getting pregnant is not fun. For most couples getting pregnant requires having sex and peeing on a stick when you miss your period. For me and far too many other women it is a completely different experience. For us it is a stressful, painful and emotionally wrenching period in our lives, that if we are lucky produces a beautiful miracle baby. I am one of the lucky ones who were able to get pregnant and birth a very special little boy. Now I’m hoping for a second miracle.
My cell phone rang and I jumped when I saw the number. A co-worker was in my office so I asked her to close my door because I needed to take the call. I picked up and very calmly the doctor told me that he received my results and I didn’t ovulate. He continued that I needed to come in and see him for a Clomid check during my next period. He was very matter of fact and not at all comforting. It reminded me of how much I miss my doctor who helped me get pregnant with Nate. I hung up the phone and tears started to fall.
I had selfishly convinced myself that I was pregnant. How stupid of me to think that one IUI was going to do the trick. Had I forgotten the months that ticked by while trying to get pregnant 5 years ago? I texted Love because I was afraid of crying even harder. I needed to pull myself together so I could open my office door again before people started asking questions. Then Carry On by fun. came on the radio and I really lost it. I never really paid attention to the damn song before and the timing really sucked. I finally pulled myself together and prayed the next hour would go by quick.
The next hour was really bad and I had to keep distracting myself. I then walked over to the Hospital for my weekly massage. A week earlier I had to tell my masseuse that I had IUI because there are certain areas you need to be careful of even in the very early stages of pregnancy. I walked into the massage room and was greeted by her ear-to-ear grin which made me very upset. She was hoping for good news and I had to tell her. She assured me that it would still happen and she was very comforting (unlike the damn doctor ugh!) even telling me to let it all out as she worked her magic.
I am so glad that I got the call before my massage because it was such a freeing experience which is such a bizarre thing to say. I cried for a good 10 minutes and then was very calm and haven’t cried about it again since then. It was such a wonderful experience and it helped me to let go of the pain and move on. I am now prepared to start the next step in the process and am hopeful that someday soon I will be able to say that I am expecting miracle baby #2!
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Feast or Famine
I work in an office which has some problems…okay a LOT of problems. It’s an old nursing home that was closed in 2006 and was vacant for 2 years…besides the ghosts of course. Prior to this our office was in an old Victorian house that had a ton of problems of its own and we were happy to leave. Looking back though, we should have fought to stay.
The first issue we had was cleanliness and mold. The building is very rarely cleaned by the staff that should be cleaning and mold grows way more frequently than it should. All of the staff has experienced sinus issues over the last 4 years but we are told that we are crazy. They have had people come in and test the air and they tell us everything is fine even though we never see the reports. They tested for a second time last year and finally a mold remediation company came in to clean…but remember, everything is fine.
For the last 2 weeks it has been a balmy 80 degrees and I have even had to purchase a few short sleeve options because I refuse to tear apart my basement looking for my summer clothes. We complain that it’s too hot and our cries go unheard so we open windows and hope that the 30 degree weather outside will bring us some relief. I’d complain to our slumlord but he pays my salary so I digress.
Today I walked in to the building at 8am and wanted to head right back to my car. It was so cold that I refused to remove my coat. Luckily I dress in layers since I never know what I am in for. We all assumed that since we complained how hot it was that we were now being punished. All morning everyone complained as we typed with fingerless gloves stuffed with hand warmers while sitting on top of our space heaters. I finally left to get some soup and blast the heat in my car while enjoying my heated seats. I didn’t want to come back but I did and I had an email update on the situation.
It turns out that after several departments in the building complained someone finally looked in to the problem and our boiler was not working. In addition to having no baseboard heat our ceiling vents have been blasting us with A/C all morning. A little while later I received another update that something shorted so there is no hot air and someone had left to go get a new part. I swear that we are like the Boy Who Cried Wolf over here. They never believe us when we say it is too hot or cold or muggy or dry. This place is a disaster and I wish there was another place for us to go. Instead I dress for any possible weather scenario and hope for the best.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
New Schedule
Let me start by saying I am NOT a morning person. I have become a little better at waking up early since having Nate but whenever I get the chance to sleep in I certainly take advantage. On weekday mornings I struggle to wake up before 7am and rush around like a nut trying to get Nate and me out the door on time. It never happens and he is always at least 5 minutes late to school which luckily doesn’t matter because it’s before care and not his actual class. The funny thing is that I always run a quick errand before work (gas, breakfast or groceries) and I always arrive early. If I’m late for work it throws off my whole day.
My mother had to schedule foot surgery so we needed to juggle our schedules a bit for the immediate future. Love switched back to nights (4pm to midnight) and I go in an hour earlier and work 8am to 4pm and drop Nate at school at 7am. When Love comes to work at 4pm he drops Nate with me and Nate and I head home. Today is day 3 and Nate was much better for me this morning because I woke him up at 6am. Last night he told me that I wake him up too late and he feels rushed and that is why he gets cranky. Weird because I am the total opposite: I got to work this morning and realized my shirt was on inside out.
The real adjustment for me is going to bed early. I am used to being wide awake at 11pm and dragging my ass out of bed at 7am. I’m more of a 10 hour a night sleeper than 8 hour. In order to get 8 hours I need to be asleep by 10pm but to be happy I need to be asleep at 8pm and that is not happening. Nate is still awake at 8:30pm and I have been forcing him to fall asleep and he doesn’t like it. Basically our new schedule includes a lot of arguing between me and a very stubborn 4-year old. Pinot Grigio take me away…
P.S. Happy Valentine's Day!
My mother had to schedule foot surgery so we needed to juggle our schedules a bit for the immediate future. Love switched back to nights (4pm to midnight) and I go in an hour earlier and work 8am to 4pm and drop Nate at school at 7am. When Love comes to work at 4pm he drops Nate with me and Nate and I head home. Today is day 3 and Nate was much better for me this morning because I woke him up at 6am. Last night he told me that I wake him up too late and he feels rushed and that is why he gets cranky. Weird because I am the total opposite: I got to work this morning and realized my shirt was on inside out.
The real adjustment for me is going to bed early. I am used to being wide awake at 11pm and dragging my ass out of bed at 7am. I’m more of a 10 hour a night sleeper than 8 hour. In order to get 8 hours I need to be asleep by 10pm but to be happy I need to be asleep at 8pm and that is not happening. Nate is still awake at 8:30pm and I have been forcing him to fall asleep and he doesn’t like it. Basically our new schedule includes a lot of arguing between me and a very stubborn 4-year old. Pinot Grigio take me away…
P.S. Happy Valentine's Day!
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Snow Daze
It’s been a rough few weeks for me. I’m actually being modest in saying it’s been rough because it has actually been kind of hellish for me. Two weeks ago I was sick and then Nate got sick which was lovely because I was off for a whole week. If you’re not a parent then you have never experienced being really sick while caring for your child. It’s much harder when the kid is a baby and you really have to do everything for them but Nate is no cup of tea lately. I was trying to rest so I could feel better and get back to work (my boss was taking vacation and I get so much more done when I don’t have 100 extra things thrown at me on any given day) and Nate made it impossible. I left work early on a Tuesday sick and Sunday morning I finally felt better and that’s when Nate’s cold kicked in and he sneezed for 3 days straight. Have I mentioned that I hate the winter?
Nate allowed me to sleep in until 8am each day but from there it was a constant barrage of asking for food, to change the channel, put him on the computer, wipe him after he pooped…I could go on for days. Of course each of these requests usually occurred after I had just dozed off or just got back into bed and got comfy. My kid is lucky he is cute because even when I get annoyed at him it doesn’t usually last long. I was so happy for the weekend to finally come because Lenny could at least help while I finally rested. Then Monday arrived and we spent the entire day in my bed because he was sick. I vowed that I would kill someone if I didn’t get back to work on Tuesday.
Tuesday through Thursday were lovely quiet days at work and I got a lot done. Since things were going so well there had to be something brewing right? Everyone was talking about the blizzard that was headed our way and it even had a name…Nemo. If only I had known that the storm named after a cute cartoon fish would reek havoc in my life I would have…well done nothing because what could I have done? I left work an hour early Thursday and headed to the grocery store like every other Long Islander. I got my bread and milk and a bunch of other crap we really didn’t need because if I was going to be trapped in my house for another 3 days I was going to have a variety of foods at my disposal. I also hit the pharmacy and stocked up on cold medicine just in case Nate got sick again.
Nate and I stayed home Friday because my Mother panics when it rains so snow throws her into a freefall. It rained all morning and at 2pm turned to ice and continued for 5 hours. Love went out and shoveled the ice after it turned to snow and we were asleep during the worst of it. We woke up Saturday to 18 inches of snow and we were lucky. My parents got 33.5 inches which was the most snow in all of New York. We are also lucky to live in an Incorporated Village because our roads were cleared before we even got out of bed. Today is Tuesday and some streets on Long Island still have not been plowed. The LIE was closed until yesterday morning Westbound on the East End and opened today going East. Many school districts are still closed today. There are many spots that have been plowed but as you are driving your lane suddenly ends as if the plow made a left around something and now you are doing the same…only heading into oncoming traffic. The worst roads were those where people had to abandon their cars because they were stuck with other people and had to give up trying to get anywhere.
The forecast is for more snow tomorrow and I don’t think I’m ready for it. This kind of weather makes me wish I was a kid again and I only saw the fun in snow…too bad I am a grumpy adult with a bad back lol.
Nate allowed me to sleep in until 8am each day but from there it was a constant barrage of asking for food, to change the channel, put him on the computer, wipe him after he pooped…I could go on for days. Of course each of these requests usually occurred after I had just dozed off or just got back into bed and got comfy. My kid is lucky he is cute because even when I get annoyed at him it doesn’t usually last long. I was so happy for the weekend to finally come because Lenny could at least help while I finally rested. Then Monday arrived and we spent the entire day in my bed because he was sick. I vowed that I would kill someone if I didn’t get back to work on Tuesday.
Tuesday through Thursday were lovely quiet days at work and I got a lot done. Since things were going so well there had to be something brewing right? Everyone was talking about the blizzard that was headed our way and it even had a name…Nemo. If only I had known that the storm named after a cute cartoon fish would reek havoc in my life I would have…well done nothing because what could I have done? I left work an hour early Thursday and headed to the grocery store like every other Long Islander. I got my bread and milk and a bunch of other crap we really didn’t need because if I was going to be trapped in my house for another 3 days I was going to have a variety of foods at my disposal. I also hit the pharmacy and stocked up on cold medicine just in case Nate got sick again.
Nate and I stayed home Friday because my Mother panics when it rains so snow throws her into a freefall. It rained all morning and at 2pm turned to ice and continued for 5 hours. Love went out and shoveled the ice after it turned to snow and we were asleep during the worst of it. We woke up Saturday to 18 inches of snow and we were lucky. My parents got 33.5 inches which was the most snow in all of New York. We are also lucky to live in an Incorporated Village because our roads were cleared before we even got out of bed. Today is Tuesday and some streets on Long Island still have not been plowed. The LIE was closed until yesterday morning Westbound on the East End and opened today going East. Many school districts are still closed today. There are many spots that have been plowed but as you are driving your lane suddenly ends as if the plow made a left around something and now you are doing the same…only heading into oncoming traffic. The worst roads were those where people had to abandon their cars because they were stuck with other people and had to give up trying to get anywhere.
The forecast is for more snow tomorrow and I don’t think I’m ready for it. This kind of weather makes me wish I was a kid again and I only saw the fun in snow…too bad I am a grumpy adult with a bad back lol.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Friday Blahs
The situation with Nate is also at a breaking point. He has more good days than bad but when he has a bad day you better watch out. I met with the Special Education Coordinator for the school district yesterday and filled out paper work so he can be evaluated. He is scheduled for his evaluation on February 14th and I hope it goes well. Someone will be coming to his school and taking a social history and performing a psych evaluation and a classroom observation. I’m sure I will be super nervous that day. I will then meet with the Special Ed Coordinator in March to discuss the results.
I’m heading over to the gym for the first time in over a week and I have every intention of working out some of my frustrations on the elliptical. After such a long week I need a massage and a glass of wine but I will settle for sweating and cold water.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Miss Manners 2013
Have you heard of the latest craze in thank you notes? When you go to a kids party these days you leave with a goody bag full of treats and a thank you note. Is it just me or is that weird? I know that everyone these days has a lot going on, but is it too much to ask for a little bit of a personal touch...
Growing up I was taught to send a thank you note when I received presents. As an adult I have been praised for always sending a nice note for gifts we have received. I have been told that it is a bygone era when Miss Manners ruled the World and a note of thanks really meant something. Maybe I'm just old fashioned but I feel like it's the least I can do when someone goes out of their way to buy a gift.
I guess that is why I am so bothered by getting a thank you before my present is even opened. A generic thank you doesn't take that much effort an almost seems lazy. I like the person receiving my note to know that I appreciate the gift they gave. Maybe I'm being too harsh because at least they thought enough to write a card.
I have given too many gifts without receiving a verbal thank you, let alone a card. At this point I have begun to just drop those people off my thank you card list. It's like the Christmas card list, if you can't be bothered to send a Christmas card then you get dropped from my list. It's that simple. If you can't take a few minutes to thank me for a gift that I went out of my way to pick out then I'm not thanking you either. I'm pretty sure those people don't care about getting thank you notes anyway. I'm not going to let it get to me. My mother can obsess about it for both of us.
Growing up I was taught to send a thank you note when I received presents. As an adult I have been praised for always sending a nice note for gifts we have received. I have been told that it is a bygone era when Miss Manners ruled the World and a note of thanks really meant something. Maybe I'm just old fashioned but I feel like it's the least I can do when someone goes out of their way to buy a gift.
I guess that is why I am so bothered by getting a thank you before my present is even opened. A generic thank you doesn't take that much effort an almost seems lazy. I like the person receiving my note to know that I appreciate the gift they gave. Maybe I'm being too harsh because at least they thought enough to write a card.
I have given too many gifts without receiving a verbal thank you, let alone a card. At this point I have begun to just drop those people off my thank you card list. It's like the Christmas card list, if you can't be bothered to send a Christmas card then you get dropped from my list. It's that simple. If you can't take a few minutes to thank me for a gift that I went out of my way to pick out then I'm not thanking you either. I'm pretty sure those people don't care about getting thank you notes anyway. I'm not going to let it get to me. My mother can obsess about it for both of us.
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